UberFacts

It's true, I saw the whole thing!

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Fact: Vegans have to tell at last 15 people a day that they're vegan in order to be vegan.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

I don't even give enough of a fuck to explain how much of a fuck I don't give right now.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

If you're a fact account on twitter, you tweet utter bullshit. It's what you do.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

0% of actual straight people want a #HeterosexualPrideDay

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

0% of congressmen care about you. But who can blame them?

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Vladimir Putin vehemently denies any accusations of enjoying knitting, saying he prefers to crochet.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

The popular Ariana Grande song "Side To Side" is about proper kayaking techniques.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

If you look in a mirror and say "Donald Trump" three times, Hillary Clinton will appear and bark at you.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

There's like a 98% chance that Clint Eastwood is squinting right now.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Big Sean doesn't fuck with lil stupid ass bitches.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, the woodchuck (his name is Fred) would chuck approximately 4.8 cords of wood per hour.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

This is where I get my tweets. #facts

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Ed Sheeran's songs are routinely played during exorcisms, because his angelic voice aids in the expulsion of demons.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

It IS possible to sneeze with your eyes open, but doing so opens a portal to hell, so it is discouraged.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Sources confirm that Barack Obama caused Harambe.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

9 out of 10 space invaders recommend Earth™

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Scientists recently discovered that you actually can please everybody, with the use of a fully stocked bar.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Donald Trump Hats? $49.99
Inauguration cake? $500
Bulletproof Limo? $120,000

Hillary Clinton making faces from across the stage? Priceless.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

About one in forty-five presidents are actually Satan.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Statistically, I'm ready for this goddamn week to end.

[UberFacts @Uber_Factz]

Statistically, about 0% of fucks are given by me, about you, daily.