Uche, the Chi

I have been a thousand different women.

[Amelia @amelia_tweetz]

They took memory cards from us and made us pay for storage. They took CDs and DVDs and made us pay for streaming. They took software you could buy once and turned it into a monthly subscription. They took ownership, convenience, and basically everything that used to be a one-time purchase… then somehow made us pay for it every month.

[umme habiba🎀 @uhabiba_x]

What doesn't kill you makes you
ghost all your friends,
lose your appetite, rot in bed all day, lose your academic potential, overthink everything at 3am, stop replying to people you actually love, lose interest in things you used to enjoy, feel tired even after doing nothing

[Uzoma Chinweoke 🌍 @ManuelUzom96119]

If he taught us how to pray he must have intended to answer.

[elektra @elektraslaw]

how can you be bored when there's a career to build, a body to transform, a mind to sharpen, and a future to chase.

[ꨄ︎ Dr. Princess ꨄ︎ @PinKIYSensei]

I have no interest in becoming so spiritually evolved that I stop enjoying perfume, beautiful rooms, good food, flirting, flowers and being adored. Earth is lovely. I came here to participate.

[Brahmin Pandit Zelensky 🕉️🇮🇳🇺🇦🇮🇱 @Ze194053]

Indian has never showered before so thinks showering causes skin colour to change

[Uche, the Chi @UcheGeee]

@sensegiver1 @insatiablevine @WilltellTi33608 Get out of here with this rubbish abeg.

[Jedall Marcelo 👑 @JedallM]

This man risked his life and documented this story for years.
His story needs to get more attention than this

[ACERVO @AcervoCharts]

Mulher afirma que a natureza tem as melhores combinações de cores para criar looks.

[Frodo📊 @FJidenna_]

They just lit a match and handed each of us a keg of gasoline.

That said it's insane to think that 60+ years post independence, we still haven't gotten over this, "they're all coming over here", "they're taking our jobs" rhetoric directed at ourselves.

Everyone seems to believe their slice of hell is cold enough that others want to crossover.

One day maybe we'll understand. Till then, let's keep doing to ourselves what the world already does to us.

[Reuben @CFCCatalyst]

This right here, is how to chest billing.

[SEUN Durojaiye 🇳🇬 @DurojaiyeSegun]

Lekki Phase 1 — BTC boys, wire boys, influencers, tech & entertainment.

Agege — Conservative Agege bread

Yaba — Tech bros

Mushin — Street credibility, Fuji music hub and Baba Alado

Oshodi — Transport, Arena and MC Oluomo

Kantagora — Okirika wears

Mafoluku — Airport, Logistics and Hotels

Ajah — Traffic, new estates and faking lekki life

Surulere — Football, Afrobeat and old-school Lagos

Ojuelegba, Shitta — Traffic, Fela, Wizkid, Baruwa eleniyan and Bana Shitta.

Orile-Iganmu — Building materials and National Theatre

Ijora Badia — Seven Up, Kwarans resettlements and dirtiness.

Ilaje — Poverty hub

Ilupeju — Factories and old Mainland money

Onipanu — Ikorodu Road traffic

Anthony — Quiet, established Mainland residents

Computer Village — “Original, fairly used, UK used”

Ikoyi and VI— Corporate Money

Ago Palace, Bucknor — Illegal Money

Lagos Island — Markets, and Kunle Poly

Abule Egba — “I stay in Lagos” while realistically Ogun state

Egbeda — Traffic + New age Yahoo boys

Ojota — Transport hub for Nigerian students

Ikorodu — Lagos Backend.

[𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬𝐛𝐲𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐚𝐝 @YeezyRage]

“Babe it’s touching my stomach”
Nah. That’s your cervix, it’s touching your cervix.
I had to pause mid-stroke and give her basic human biology lesson.

[6ɪx✦ @6ixxtar]

The guy who delivers our groceries has started leaving little notes on the bags, except they're all very ominous and poetic? Like the first one said "The apples were soft. I chose differently for you. Trust is circular." And I was like okay, weird, but he did get better apples than I would've picked so maybe he's just really into fruit.

But then it kept happening. "Three avocados. Past, present, future. One will betray you." Or "The milk expires Friday but don't we all." One time he left a note that just said "They didn't have your brand of salsa. I have made a choice you will understand only in time."

My husband thinks it's hilarious and has started leaving notes back. Like "Thank you for the bananas. Your wisdom travels with us." They've never met, just this ongoing weird note exchange on our doorstep.

Last week the delivery guy left a bag with a note that said "I have been transferred to a new zone. Another will come. Speak not of me." And I was like oh no this is kind of sad actually? I didn't realize I cared but I did?

The new delivery person showed up yesterday. Very normal, very efficient, no notes. Just groceries. It felt empty.

But then I unpacked everything and at the bottom of the last bag there was a single note that said "Greg briefed me on your journey. The eggs are fragile. As are we all."

My husband wants to invite them to Thanksgiving.

[Thorfinn🕊️ @DavidKairoT]

The seven deadly sins in classic literature:

1. Pride - Frankenstein
2. Lust - Lolita
3. Greed - The Ladies’s Paradise
4. Envy - The Count of Monte Cristo
5. Sloth - Oblomov
6. Gluttony - The Great Gatsby
7. Wrath - Wuthering heights

[BlammerSide @BlammerSide]

@stats_feed I think the target audience isn't alive right now..

[Uche, the Chi @UcheGeee]

@blemaxfave @jesurhobo @meziemjanet Breath of Life.

[janet meziem. @meziemjanet]

funke akindele has never made a remarkable movie, much like her sister in mediocrity, toyin ibrahim. only difference is that where funke's mediocrity reaches a threshold, toyin's stretches through the periphery into new lands. she simply vomits nonsense & calls it a day.

[Eduardo Tobar Lagos @ETobarLagos]

@culturaliteral1 Todos sabemos porqué el Monte Everest aún está en Los Himalayas.
Porque no cabía en un barco a Inglaterra.

[Cultura Literal @culturaliteral1]

Hoy estaba hablando con un amigo Chino sobre el monte Everest y, cuando dije ese nombre, se molestó.

Me explicó que para él, los Chinos, para muchos Tibetanos y Nepalíes, ese nombre tiene tintes de colonialismo científico, porque implica una historia que yo y mucha gente de este lado del mundo desconoce: el borrado de los nombres que ya existían para esa montaña.

La verdad, me dio curiosidad y me puse a investigar... 🧐