Jason Salas

I pull things apart to show you the underlying reality of how we actually live. Gen X. Writer. Life Insurance. Substack: Underscore.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

"You know you did this."

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

In all honesty, I felt it was a merciful way to go.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Memento Mori Library Presents...

Churning Miss Daisy

"ETA 10:35"

He's the guy driving sales. She's the one being taken for a ride.

Now available at the Memento Mori Library.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

My actual first was George Reeves, but that was on the old B&W TV. Once Christopher Reeve donned the suit, he was my forever Superman.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

I wrote about this: https://t.co/iRgrfdDHdi

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Memento Mori Library Presents...

Breaking Hip Dawn — A Twilight Years Book

"Vampires don't age, but you do."

The harrowing story of a mortal woman in love with immortality... like an idiot.

Now available at the Memento Mori Library.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Grouchy

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

ALF aired from 1986–1990. If you watched it live, you're old enough to have a will. No offense, ALF. #estateplanning

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

https://t.co/iRgrfdDHdi

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

How will you go?

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Memento Mori Library Presents...

"The best old movie you'll ever see!"

It's the story of a big old man with a big old cane living a vast life that will soon come to an end. What will happen to his vast fortune? Will his beneficiaries inherit an empire or merely its debts?

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Big Brother is watching you age.

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

I wrote about this. https://t.co/iRgrfdDHdi

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

"She's looking for a man. He's looking for a beneficiary."

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

I wrote about this. https://t.co/iRgrfdDHdi

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

Anonymity leans left. Accountability leans right. @KenLaCorte https://t.co/tSsaKfclIe

[Jason Salas @UnderscoreJason]

@HannahIamthest1 Only bad guys die from falling down the stairs. Good guys get up and run walk away unscathed.

[Paul Rees. ex Rucksack. @HannahIamthest1]

Things I have learned from the movies"

Having watched hundreds of movies, they have taught me many things that I would like to share with you today:

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

[The Shift Journal @TheShiftJournal]

The 3 Rules of Adult Friendship