Anytime a bird poops on one of my windows. I eat a whole plate of scrambled eggs on my patio, just so they know what I'm capable of. Take that birds, You fowl creatures you
(In Bird Voice) Coo Coo!!
@realDonaldTrump
I See You like to Tweet, So I got the Twitter so we could communicate in secret. This stays between us, btw "us" includes @Drake and @AdamSandler we are here for you big fella. Like pinky & the Brain. @Drake is pinky @AdamSandler is Brain. You know Morse code?
@AdamSandler
Please stop making movies. You tried, we commend you. You failed, please stop trying. Effort was appreicated but no longer necessary. Goodday sir
@doteseriffic @DePoInLa @MomsDemand We demand action! Remove citizens United ruling! Wait, wrong thread my bad (Calmly walks away)
(Random Guy) Sir, you left your sign!!
(Me) Fuck it, I'll make a new one you keep it.
Random guy brings the sign home, he's granddaughter notices and Google what it means life changed
@Drake
I hope you find yourself in love and strolling home on a beautiful evening and are mugged by three black belt ninja autistic children with a dangerous thirst for cocaine. As you frolic away from them a ravage dog chases you down an alley, you are then killed by a bus.
@adam22 Dear Drake, I hope you find yourself in love and strolling home on a beautiful evening and are mugged by three black belt ninja autistic children with a dangerous thirst for cocaine. As you frolic away from them a ravage dog chases you down an alley, you are then killed by a bus.
@perryangel2 If I paid you would you dress up in a gorilla costume and throw bananas at the wall? If I throw in some extra maybe even show me a little ankle?