Vodka&2Limes

Not for the easily offended.

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Hey asshole...here's an idea. Why don't you go out and play a game of hide and go fuck your self! #fuckoff #Friday

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Parents that sit in the car pickup line for a half hour before school is out so they can be first. #wtf. #youneedahobbythatisnotyourkid

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

To the assholes that keep parking your piece of shit next to my new car. #yourcarisshit #stopparkingbyme #parkedfaroutonpurpose

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

@MLB for Christ sake...higher a barber on your staff! You look homeless

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Thanks to the Royals, I won't be gaining 10lbs this year in October. #Royals #eatingmywaythroughthegame

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Whoa! Your ass are your jeans! #assissues

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Busy un-friending all Fucktards posting stupid shit abt debate. Honest, both fucking suck! Voting for Jimmy Fallon #JimmyFallon #fucktards

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

#yourfatinyouryogapants

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

90degrees and skin tight spanx! Jesus I feel like I'm wearing a sausage casing. #hotasfuck #spanx #Ican'tbreathe

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

I've been sober now for 62 days now. Not in a row or anything, just in total. #pourmeanother #vodkaplease

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Kid never gets out of bed in the morning. All I needed to say is Fieldtrip day! #Fuckyeah! #lyingtohim #parentoftheyear #dowhateverworks

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

#parenting #fail

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

Ummm what?!?! #hickasyoucanget

[Vodka&2Limes @UrShit2gether]

M.o.n.D.a.y...S.u.c.k.s...Monday Sucks...drum..drum..Monday Sucks! #Mickeymouseclub #myversionisbetter