US Post Service

We deliver mail (parody).

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Our service is all about trust. We could easily read your mail, but we don't and we never will.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

.@jrfubar73 Sir, we may be paid to simply deliver mail, but there's nothing simple about it.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Sorry if the mail in Avon, CT was late today. A FedEx truck blocked in our guy, and it's hard to believe it was an accident.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

We know the stereotypes, but the "post office experience" is really whatever you make it.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

I always thought "Deliver Us From Evil" would be a cool title for an action movie about a mailman, but then that Eric Bana movie used it.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

You can't leave your car on in front of the post office, even if you're "just running in to mail something." That's what everyone's doing.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

@ulrichray FedEx strikes again!

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Sometimes I wonder how many ransom notes I've delivered.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Just because we'll deliver packages with joke names on them doesn't mean those joke names are legally binding.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

A lot of people want to know what the inside of those blue public mailboxes look like. It's pretty much just a box.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

My son told me today that he wishes I was an astronaut. How does he think astronauts get the mail that TELLS them how to be astronauts?

[US Post Service @USPostService]

I don't know why people think it's okay to use the handicap parking spot at the post office, but it's becoming a real problem.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

@michaelbwillis Honestly, just draw a right facing mailbox inside an eight-pointed star on the package and it'll get to me.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Remember, if the envelope is bulging, you may be divulging (the contents of the envelope).

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Just a heads up, if you don't empty your mailbox for a few days, we'll probably call the police to make sure you're okay.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

@notdennisquaid We have to send undelivered magazines back to the distributor.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Yesterday, I saw a mailman deliver mail, the customer throw it out, and a garbage man take it away, all in five minutes. Circle of life.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

We're no longer accepting packages with air holes because some bees laid a nest in one in Minnesota and stung up our guy pretty bad.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Yes, "postal worker" is the appropriate term, but "mailman" is shorter and tweets have character limits. Unlike mail.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

Mailmen can't leave extra junk mail for people they don't like. If you think yours does, let us know and we'll tell them to cut it out.

[US Post Service @USPostService]

There's no law against mailmen delivering their own mail, but we try to route people away from their homes to discourage unauthorized breaks