Hannalora Van Nevel

Three littles. What could go wrong??

[Robert Reich @RBReich]

Your reminder that Black people weren't even considered people on July 4, 1776.

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

@Freemie Sometimes your army unit is in the field, but you still need to pump. #WorldBreastfeedingWeek #momlife

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

2 pulled down his pants & shat on the lawn, so I guess you could say potty training is going well. #momlife #MoM

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

I wish I were as bold as the neighbor who owns a riding lawn mower for his in-the-city yard. #adulting #thatsaboldmovecotton

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

I know one day my 2yo’s independent spirit will be beneficial, but right now he just comes off as a dick. #momlife #boymom

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

If I don’t log it in #myfitnesspal, it’s a zero calorie pancake meal, right? #weightloss #momlife #babyweight

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

Note to self: cookies eaten in secrecy still have calories. Ya hid from the kids, not from your diet. #weightlosstips #momlife

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

Day three of the #diet and I find myself watching cake decorating video on repeat. This sucks. #momlife #postbaby #weightloss

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

The best part of having an infant daughter this time around instead of a son is that I am no longer fearful of potentially getting peed on during every diaper change. #momlife

[Carliss Chatman @carlissc]

If a fetus is a person at 6 weeks pregnant, is that when the child support starts? Is that also when you can’t deport the mother because she���s carrying a US citizen? Can I insure a 6 week fetus and collect if I miscarry? Just figuring if we’re going here we should go all in.

[Brian Schatz @brianschatz]

I think they should name the royal baby CLIMATE CHANGE IS A PLANETARY EMERGENCY

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I’m hearing a lot of feedback from dead animals that plastic is less delicious than it looks.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

You: Why is my balance so low?

Economists: Bc working Americans haven’t gotten a raise in 30 years despite unprecedented growth; & living costs have exploded.

Chase: Maybe if you skipped that Dunkin on April 22nd you‘d be able to afford your RX meds. That’s how that works right

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

My favorite pastimes include chasing my cat & terrified 2yo with my 5yo’s RC car from Christmas. #momlife #parentingwin

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

Notice that the only group offended by “Happy Holidays” are Christians... who have a monopoly on the season anyway? No one mentions a “war on Hanukkah.” #holidayseason

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

5: why is there a leaf on my plate?
Husband: that’s lettuce

Yep. Really knocking this parenting thing out of the park.

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

You know that scene in Jurassic Park with the T-Rex where it can’t see you if you stand absolutely still?

Doesn’t work with one year olds.
#shhhh #gotosleep #boymom

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

Me: *playing Candy Crush*

4: Can I play? It seems like you need help

#momlife #helperboy

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

4: *empties half a can of bug spray on the table*

Me: Hey!

4: The ant wanted to go swimming.

What have I raised? #babypsychopath #isthismomlife #boymom

[Hannalora Van Nevel @VanMamaThree]

I’m never more thirsty than after brushing my teeth with toothpaste I was specifically told not to eat or drink after using. #struggle