Vyvyan Nygaard

comedy writer, aspiring stand-up comedian.
human woman.
from everywhere&wisconsin in particular.
in grad school purgatory. coming soon to an open mic near you!

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

THE BEST billboard ever. That Kid really kicked the crap outta that other Kid!

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

Sleep-eating is like a really really bad one-night stand. you wake up feeling gross and there's trash in the bed next to you to get rid of.

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

I have 2 stop sleep-eating. woke up with 6 and 1/2 stray almonds under the covers w me. some in unfortunate places

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

A bad year...losing my heroes.

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

Is Prince really dead??? FUCK!!!! Another stunningly amazing talent, bright shining star gone. RIP. I loved you.
#PrinceYouWillBeMissed

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

https://t.co/6og5Xn8srX
I've watched this so many times. brilliant ted talk about nothing.highly recommended
#ReggieWatts4Anti-President2016

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

I can't speak for all ladies, but my box is never blocked. Didn't realize it was law, tho...
#dontblockthebox

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

...but [being] a bitch ain't one...
#thxjayz https://t.co/z6nW4S4JfW

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

Packers to host 2016 NFL Draft events in Chicago and Green Bay https://t.co/gwKkLwelsm via @sharethis

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

@TrashTalkTrump ...i HAVE to have one of your shirts. PLEASE save one for me...emily told me about them. then follow me back.

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

@eddiepepitone he he thanks 4 the like.follow me eddie pepitone i am trying to make it to 20 followers. been a fan since last comic standing

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

Congrats, man!! https://t.co/vLJEpc5HnE

[Chelsea Peretti @chelseaperetti]

U know what would be cool? Everyone assemble a box full of funny things for fam and friends 2 sort thru in case you die suddenly JOKE BOX

[Dalai Lama @DalaiLama]

Creating a better world will require will-power, vision and determination. And for that we need a strong sense that humanity is one family.

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

no wait...that should count twice as much!!! https://t.co/AhFze9fVv8

[eddie pepitone @eddiepepitone]

Remember: if you're tweeting from your parents basement it doesn't count.

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

excitement!! https://t.co/0d12mJSK5J

[Splitsider @Splitsider]

'Hannibal Takes Edinburgh' will premiere on @netflix this Friday https://t.co/1hWV6qJfX8

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

masturbation. https://t.co/FHgNEiuWw7

[reggie watts @reggiewatts]

thomasgibbons's photo https://t.co/MIfpkShUXn

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

Love you, Love you, Love you, @rufuswainwright
mwah, mwah, mwah https://t.co/5e7Sep2KIw

[Vyvyan Nygaard @VyvyanNygaard]

No. It's worse than that. https://t.co/0mYr9iXYt7