I Heard In Waitrose

Posting remarks overheard in the aisles of Britain's poshest supermarket. ¦ Parody ¦ Not affiliated with Waitrose

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"But Mummy, if we aren't going on a plane then it's not a real holiday."

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"Make sure we only get 2 packs, dear. We don't want the cashier thinking we're only buying them because they're 3 for £10."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

'Verity put that 'essential' stuff down! When I married you we agreed not to compromise on the quality of our balsamic vinegar.'

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Put those crisps back, William! You know the type of people that eat crisps."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Philip, can you remember whether Camilla prefers the South African or the Australian red?"

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Mummy, are you sure we have enough hand wash for ALL of the bathrooms?"

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"I know Tesco is closer, but I will most certainly not allow Beatrice's pony to eat Everyday Value straw."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Darling don't be so silly, we can't shop at Sainsbury's. Their colour scheme doesn't match our Range Rover."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Victor please ensure it is a good champers for the strawberries this time."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"I told you we shouldn't have come to this till. The woman in front of us is paying using bronze coins."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"No, Quentin, put it back. That toaster doesn't even have a bagel setting."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"An Easter egg? Only if it's quail."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"A 'buy one, get one free' offer? Dear me, they'll start attracting all sorts now."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Be careful, Hugo. I don't want you bumping into any of those people who only come in here for the free coffee."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Hurry up and fetch mummy the asparagus, Charles. That man's coming to clean the pool in fifteen minutes."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"My God, the chilled aisle is rather nippy. Good thing I brought my mink coat today."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Jeremy, find a cake I can pass off as homemade for the village fête."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"No, sweetheart, we don't need a pheasant this week. Daddy picked one up hunting last night."

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"I do like Sainsbury's; it keeps all of the riff-raff out of here."

[I Heard In Waitrose @WaitroseQuotes]

"Children these days... I blame the au pairs."