Western Alerts Basically

All of your Western Washington University Alerts coming to you live from Twitter **Not Real Western Alerts - Please Regard as Satire of WWU Campus Life**

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

@FilledwithUrine Don't waste your time, I did and I still don't qualify, and now I'm the same but in debt.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WESTERN ALERT: Just fucking pay students a living wage. They are suffering

[WWU @WWU]

WWU CAMPUS ADVISORY: Due to picketing activities on WWU’s campus, there may be traffic disruptions on the roads adjacent to campus, including Bill McDonald Way, College Way, and High Street. Learn more: https://t.co/mbzeclL7eq

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WESTERN ALERT: WWU President reportedly spent over 2k of university funds to lower the chandelier in his office by 3 inches. All while students struggle to make ends meet.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WESTERN ALERT: WWU's President makes 500k a year while WWU student employees struggle pay for rent and food. Support WAWU's strike for better pay and protections for Student Workers

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: Now that Whatcom County is at its highest levels of COVID-19 We have decided to force all students and faculty to resume in-person classes to give everyone an equal opportunity to get the deadliest disease since the Spanish Flu. Equally is important for us.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: We are sending out this Western Alert to notify that we will be testing our Western Alert system that notifies students that we will be having a test of our Western Alert system. (No action is required)

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WWU Campus Alert: As we prepare to return to in person classes in the fall please note we will now have to deal with both sophomores and freshman who won't know their alcohol limits when during Western Wednesdays, be prepared for twice as many wasted students on N. Forest

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Campus Advisory: We here at administration would like to remind you that next week is finals week. For those students who have forgotten they were even taking a course, you have only a few days to turn in all of the shit you forgot about.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: Welcome New and Returning Students to the 2020-21 School Year where you pay the same amount in tuition for classes you will have in the background while you watch your YouTube videos!

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: Fall Registration has been further delayed until after the world ends.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: Actually there is no alert, we just miss you.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: Students begin revolt against paying fees that no longer apply to them: https://t.co/P2XiTFcdzY

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WWU Campus Advisory: As many of you are aware we are moving to all online classes to comply with the current social distancing standards. However we still intend to go by the model of "Fuck over our Students" by still having you pay the fees for services you can't use. Thank you.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

WWU Campus Advisory: We have decided that although we have multiple students currently being tested for COVID-19, It is in the best interest of the students to continue in-person classes to build up their god-damn immune system.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Weather Alert: We have decided to close school today (Jan 16th) because we have figured out that we still get the same amount of tuition and fees from you if we work or not... Thanks for your cooperation.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Weather Advisory: Now that the roads are actually slick and icy, campus is open today. Be sure not to die on the way to class, it will not be counted as an excused absence.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Campus Advisory: Woman was locked in stairwell after trying to bribe registrar to get into waitlisted class, cops were able to get the woman out and agreed that class needed more spaces.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Campus Advisory: Be sure to stock up on extra food and water, with Western Move-In weekend coming up, Bellingham will be full of stressed parents and students getting food at Fiamma then driving full speed through the gates on North Campus

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: New Students are unable to register for classes as Web4U becomes a portal to the late 1990s.

[Western Alerts Basically @WesternAlerts]

Western Alert: As Fall Orentation begins, New Students are bing misled by having good food in the dining halls. They don't expect the hell to come.