Twhitterz

Here for the funnies mostly. But will occasionally get really cross about things.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

Selling on Market place can be a strange experience. Ok, as you only want it for your dog and I live quite far from you how about I let you have it for free? No wait! I’ll pay you to take it!

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@RobbieRinder My Dad also died with LBD, 25 years ago, aged 69. He'd started showing signs around 5 years before that. It's horrible. I'm sorry your family all had to endure it. That's a beautiful tribute to your Dad. My condolences to you all.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@jfully19 @JamesODon @peggywin Do you think your original post was respectful?

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@IdMarkEgo I did all of those things and I was a teenager in the '80's

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@forevershallon @topsandollie @edenbound_ God forbid a woman might choose to be memorable. Maybe if we used more than just our eyes to make a judgement about a person's capabilities we might get a clearer picture.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@MartinSLewis Yes! It's so hard. I find the only way to do it is to look away from my nose and sweep the lens with my index finger into the corner towards my nose. It kind of flicks out. I also find it easier not looking in a mirror to do it. Good luck!

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@WeAreOpenreach So you're saying you don't proactively contacting providers? They are responsible for chasing you? Sounds terrible customer service to me! How can a company responsible for the network act be so unhelpful? Awful.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@WeAreOpenreach when are you going to sort out the fallen telegraph pole in our area (NP18)? No internet since Friday afternoon and nobody on site since then to sort it. Our b/b provider says it's waiting on you to act. We need answers and an idea of when it'll be sorted.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@WeAreOpenreach Yes but you're not keeping them updated. D'you know how rubbish it is to be kept in the dark? All I want is an explanation and a timeline! You're the ones who need to act! Without a telegraph pole they can't fix the cabling.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@Nozza_ Tim Lovejoy. Unfunniest 'man who thinks he's funny'. Used to make me cringe back then and still does now

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@jk_rowling You lost me at lobster thermidor. 😄

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@LB130 My hatred of her is visceral. What a brilliant actress she is.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@RevRichardColes Sending cwtches. A very sad day for you 😪

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

This. 🤬🤬🤬🤬

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

A young female boxer has just had everything she’s worked and trained for snatched away because you allowed a male to get in the ring with her. You’re a disgrace, your ‘safeguarding’ is a joke and #Paris24 will be forever tarnished by the brutal injustice done to Carini.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@ruthcunio Ahh how funny! We're friends on FB so I see what he's up to 😊. It's such a small world.

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@ruthcunio Ruth this is v random I know, but I only know one other person with your surname, a lovely old boss of mine, Matthew. Are you by any small chance related?

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

😂😂😂😂

[cants @cantseyy]

When you order a pillow on temu

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@mrnickharvey Been waiting for this tweet 😃

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk" !!
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"

Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"

Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"

Says the barman.

"The circus?"

Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"

Replies the barman.

"The circus?"

The duck asks again.

with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says;

"What the hell would they want with a plasterer" ???
😁😁

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@deathtospinach This is all hilarious, but I don't know why you calling him Jane - twice - makes me giggle the most 😂😂😂

[Twhitterz @Whitterz67]

@Rick_Turner 💯 Salva Mea! Just said the same.