=-/

Just a dude who has an alternate account because I can't say what I reaaally think because of, you know... Society!

[=-/ @WickedPoseidon]

Want a solid piece of advice? Don't ever, ever get fucking married.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.

[hunter harris @hunteryharris]

if my friend hates u i hate u-in-law

[William Coffin @CoffinItUp]

🤣

[soso @sothecutestt]

day 1 no sugar

[TSA @TSA]

“It’s not on your website”

Oh, ok... apologies, we didn’t realize you were going to bring part of a FIRE HYDRANT to the airport.

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

[BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon]

Me: I'm going to eat healthy

Lettuce: I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea

Oreos in the pantry: I would never do that to you

[Kristen @Kica333]

Sorry I’m late. I was trying to wash my hands at an automatic sink that wouldn’t turn on.

[Faye @Faye_lucy0]

i am very self aware which unfortunately hasn't solved anything

[🥷 @_iamhabeeb]

even at my worst i’m still fucking considerate

[Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth]

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999. I want to buy a house like it’s 1999.

[Faye @Faye_lucy0]

let it END. you’ll be okay.

[🥷 @_iamhabeeb]

Till disrespect do us apart

[scenker @chibest_up]

I love Twitter because no one knows when you're online or not

[𝙰𝚕𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚍 ❄️ @_1alfred]

Family be like you changed ... Nigga
I was 10 tf 😂

[ѕєиɪ @zalatwicc]

i said it's my favorite movie i didn't say it was good

[fresils @iFresils]

your death is way more guaranteed than your wedding day. so instead of looking for the love of your life, start living your life with love.

[𝓷𝔁𝔂𝓲𝓮 @glooomiii]

ragebait idea: like your own texts during an argument

[Ichigo Niggasake @SomaKazima2]

Bitch was there a dragon in there?! Why is it so aggressive omg

[Nithya Shri @Nithya_Shrii]

If we're ever in a situation where we're both doing math in our heads, I'm just pretending. It's all on you.