Poetman

performance poetry, charming & dapper, arguably comedy, occasional rapper!

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Kids and Grown Ups Love it So, Book Me For a Magic Show!
https://t.co/ikRhAsSTQL

[Darren Walsh Puns @DarrenWalshPuns]

Applied for a sandwich making job, but they said the roll had been filled.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I'm a bus driver and there's no better feeling than speeding up to miss someone who's running for the bus

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

My daughter's been diagnosed with Crohns and cos of medication now more prone to skin cancer. I went into her sunbed salon and told them. A few days later she text me absolutely raging cos the hospital had contacted the shop and got her banned. I still haven't told her it was me

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I've enjoyed statutory paternity leave for 4 out of the last 5 years. I'm single and don't have any kids. Work have never checked for proof of an actual baby, but just to be safe I have a Googled random baby as my phone screensaver and change it every time I become a "Dad"

[Michael Spicer @MrMichaelSpicer]

i cannot believe this is the top story on bbc news

[Massive Attack @MassiveAttackUK]

Statue outside @BBCNews Broadcasting House …

‘The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.’
George Orwell

[Andrew Doyle @andrewdoyle_com]

Alex Salmond laments that the SNP’s fealty to gender identity ideology has set back the cause of Scottish independence by decades.

He’s right.

https://t.co/YrOn77X8jv

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I have a 10-year-old talking parrot. I bought him for company, but we don't get on. He spends all day shitting on my expensive glass coffee table and telling the smart speaker to play Billy Joel because he knows it annoys me.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I'm an in house photographer for a large org. Every board member has a headshot on the wall with their heads about 10% too big. Never told a soul but I smile as I walk through reception everyday. Never gets old.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I've started buying prescription drugs illegally on the dark web using Bitcoin because it's easier than getting an appointment with my GP. I know this isn't particularly funny or entertaining but it is true.

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Santa as an elephant - made with NightCafe Creator https://t.co/bi6E9aAn75 #aiart #nightcafe #digitalart #vqganclip via @NightcafeStudio

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

A fairytale frog - made with NightCafe Creator https://t.co/xrXZmT3GPX #aiart #nightcafe #digitalart #vqganclip via @NightcafeStudio

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Portal to the Other World.spiral fractal dreamlike - made with NightCafe Creator https://t.co/TP3nZkDggl #aiart #nightcafe #digitalart #vqganclip via @NightcafeStudio

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Really enjoyed this radio play about big data and medical care
Welcome to Medpatch by Kevin Core https://t.co/AU7FUylDZZ via @YouTube

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Cyberpunk Sci Fi illustration - with NightCafe Creator https://t.co/Jst6sJtHa8 #aiart #nightcafe #digitalart #vqganclip via @NightcafeStudio

[Poetman @WiliamMakesBeer]

Surrealistic painting of St Nicholas inspired by Salvador Dali and Gustav Klimt - with NightCafe Creator https://t.co/ftq5feRO2Q #aiart #nightcafe #digitalart #vqganclip via @NightcafeStudio

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Had to go for a nervous poo immediately before getting married. No loo roll to be seen. Said "I do" with a dirty arsehole.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I was 16 or 17 and got home very drunk. So drunk, in the night I pissed in the corner of my bedroom. In the morning my mum saw and smelt it and went crazy. I quickly pissed in her bedroom too, without her seeing, then blamed the dog. The dog was never allowed upstairs again.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Got talking to a lad in a wheelchair in a pub. He had lost his legs. Few pints later I bump into him in the toilets. He asked me for help getting on to the toilet. He was a lot lighter than I was anticipating. I banged his head against the ceiling tiles. I left sharpish.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Had running competition to get Britpop song lyrics into a school assembly messages with another teacher. Lost when he raised his mic Gallagher style whilst wearing a parka and shades for Lord's prayer. He's a Catholic school Headteacher now.