The High Hylian

33 | He/Him/His | Freelance shitposting | these are my stupid jokes and I love them | never quit the bit

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

I haven't had the mustache in my pic for almost a year. I'm an internet fraud. A cyber charlatan. A purveyor of digital snake oils. Which you should have figured out from the mustache

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

no pediatrician has ever said don't dip the binkie in a little au jus

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

The Human Sacrispice ensures the safety of our poppiest bops for another year and I for one am grateful 🙏

[Chuck Staton @DiscountChuck]

Genius Marketing Idea:

Every October, the @spicegirls should have added a sixth member named “Pumpkin Spice.”
She wears tan scarves, takes pictures in apple orchards, and slowly freezes to death by Christmas.

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

@PearlRiverFlow Anyone with all 4 working bulbs is too well adapted to the sunlight and shall perish with the rest of the surface dwellers

-this post by Always At Least One Burnt Out Bulb Clulb

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

Sure, you're all for Barbenheimer but where were you during Legally Blearl Harbor?

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

Get a Mcdonalds cheeseburger, 4pc nugget, and a Buffalo sauce. Put the nuggets on the burger, apply Buffalo to your heart's content. I call it the Buffalo Bill, it absolutely sucks and I love it

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

@PearlRiverFlow I'm unionized now, United Ley Liners #42069. You can't say shit to me unless Harry Dresden is present

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

In search of giant wizard hat. (A thread of complaints.)

The ones from Amazon aren't big enough. Like, pitifully small hats for pitifully talentless magicians.

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

Money is no problem, because, again, unlimited rubies. Or those "dollars" that seem to have been all the rage lately, but come on. Do you want paper or rubies? Stupid question.

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

So anyway, ISO giant wizard hat, with pocket dimension installed with running water. (I will be installing the Swedish Dragonrock spa from my old hat). As long as it's up to Occupational Safety & Hazard Arcana Council Code I'll weave the spacetime fabric around the brim myself.

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

There's gotta be an easier way to get nut

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

*nintendo office workers desperately shredding documents titled "Zelda: Waker of the Deep" and millions of concept drawings of the King of Red Lions as a chubby lil sub and Tingle in a scuba suit while Aonuma sheds a tear, looking wistfully out an office window amongst the chaos*

[The High Hylian @WillForcier]

Me, sitting at my inventor's desk, crumpling up designs and throwing them into a small trash bucket. Every single page contains some variation of "camel crush but for orange juice pulp"