No matter what grammar someone wants to tell me, buying fuel for ₦1,500 is too much for the common man. By Monday, transport fares will go up, and companies will not increase salaries. God abeg.
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To those of you aspiring to go abroad... nobody will give you this advice, but since I am a good person, I will.
Scotch bonnet and Habanero peppers pass Nigerian ata rodo. They are levels above “rodo”, when it comes to peppers.. In fact, the evil spirit will be doing you like pe you should blend like 10. Hmm, don't put head.
When I first entered Obodo oyinbo in 2015, I went into the store to buy some stuff to cook rice and stew for men before they returned from work. I walked past this habanero pepper:
“Ha ha, this is Rodo nau”
Na so I pack like 15. Haaa today na today, seh! Finished my grocery shopping and went home. Na so I enter kitchen begin cook make I fry pepper and rice. You know those peppers that usually enter with rice. Ehn o.
Turned on Bluetooth speaker begin jam gbedu. As the gbedu dey enter, I dey add pepper to the blender.
“Hmmm, eskelebetiolebeteeee”
I think I added like five big habaneros first, I added other stuff in the blender, and as I was about to blend it. I added two more.
“Hmmm, o ta lenu. Oya let’s go.”
While it was blending, I wasn't convinced enough, so I added another 1.
The pepper blended for a while and the moment I opened it, the aroma of the pepper hit my face.
The way I coughed. That was when I knew something was wrong. But I didn't break. A voice spoke to me:
“I'm with you my mother’s child. Don't break”
Hmmm
See, when the pepper started boiling was when I knew I had messed up.
I began to cough and sneeze
“Haaa, gourd has broken mehn”
You see the moment I tasted it.
Mo ni, “fvckkkkkkk mo ti si ata Se”
I first sat on the floor, and started counting the “rodo” I added:
“Omo what happened? Why is it pepper like this? I only added 7 nau, abi 8. Is there a spirit in this house that added more?”
“You know what? Na winter we dey, this will be good for the cold.”
Bro, I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of the pepper situation until I started eating. I began to sweat after three spoons, before you know it, I started crying.
“Hmm ekun egbere while eating. Tears of joy”
I couldn’t finish it. Haaa.
Bros came back from work, “Omo, did you cook?” I said yes.
“See bring food for me please. I am really hungry”
You see the first spoon bros put for mouth, omo, God saved him that he was sitting. Baba for get stroke 😭😭😭😭
Bros first hold something, then held his chest. Na so bros begin cough. 😭😭
“Ha ha, what is going on?”
Coughs…
“How many Haba..…”
Coughs…
“Nero did you put in the stew?”
Kept coughing….
“Omo, boya 8”
“Ha ha ha ha?!! 8 keh? Do you want to kill someone? Two is enough now!”
“Okay, but bro e sweet sha”
“Wo ba mi tan fan yen” 😭
You see when the rest of the guys came back and they ate that food. 😭😭😭😭😭
I nearly pai those people that day.
None of them could finish it.
“Etubo ha ha!! What happen nau. You wan wound person? Na only you go first cook?”
Me: I'm with you my people. It's still sweet nau. I ate it too.
“Oya come chop am again”
Me: 😒😒😒😒