>be Margaret Sanger
>dad is a socialist stonecutter, the "village atheist"
>age 9, sick with typhoid, barely conscious
>wake up with dad pressed against me in bed
>sense of falling
>later call it my first "sex awakening"
>little brother Henry dies at 4
>dad takes me to the cemetery at midnight
>digs up the body
>makes a plaster death mask of his head and shoulders, lock of hair set in the plaster
>gift for mom
>grow up, marry Bill Sanger
>Greenwich Village, Wobblies, anarchists, Goldman, Big Bill Haywood
>start a paper called The Woman Rebel
> "No gods, no masters"
>Post Office says it's unmailable
>1914, get indicted
>flee to England via Canada, leave the kids behind
>once out at sea, wire my people to release 100,000 copies of my illegal contraception manual
>London, Christmas Eve 1914
>meet Havelock Ellis
>tall, white beard, looks like an Old Testament prophet
>turns out he's a literal piss magician
>has a urine fetish
>names it "undinism," after Undina, the water spirit of Paracelcian alchemy
>his motto is "Do What Thou Wilt"
>40 years before Crowley
>ran Britain's first peyote trip on Good Friday
>gave some to Yeats from the Golden Dawn
>"an orgy of vision"
>impotent
>talked his wife into lesbianism
>gets off on making her describe it
>she's off on a lecture tour, lecturing on homosexuality
>perfect time to get close
>meet him every day in the British Museum reading room so he can tell me what to think
>I call him "the Olympian"
>and "the King"
>"I have never felt about any person as I do about Havelock Ellis"
>he writes to his wife about us
>her mental collapse becomes complete
>dies
>he tells me to tone down the revolutionary talk
>1915, come home
>my daughter Peggy dies of pneumonia
>keep hearing her limping footsteps
>Havelock introduces me to Rosicrucianism
>says science and mysticism aren't in conflict
>start seeing psychics and theosophists
>tell a friend I can talk to Peggy now
>1916, open the first birth control clinic in Brooklyn
>arrested again
>1920, back to England
>Sussex, the Wantley circle
>"a revolving interlocking circle of intimacies"
>affair with Hugh de Sélincourt, Havelock's disciple
>also his wife Janet
>also H.G. Wells, who wants me "in the costume of a tropical island"
>also Harold Child
>tell Hugh "I don't believe in that institution particularly – do we?"
>"I shall marry for wealth some day soon"
>marry Noah Slee, oil millionaire
>write Noah love letters from London while sleeping with Wells and Child
>from his estate write Hugh de Sélincourt: "If only I could fly by night to London to see you & Havelock & Harold — I'd be ready to say this is paradise"
>write Woman and the New Race
>from the fruitful womb "a Jesus who will not die upon the cross"
>abortion is "the efforts of the feminine spirit to liberate itself"
>the woman on the abortionist's table "is not a criminal but a martyr"
>write The Pivot of Civilization
>"Through sex, mankind may attain the great spiritual illumination which will transform the world"
>sex can "transmute and sublimate the everyday world"
>every February issue of my 'Birth Control Review' is tributes to Havelock
>pay his girlfriend's salary
>buy him a country house
>25 years of devotion
>1939, he dies
>his autobiography comes out
>I'm a "mildly intimate friendship"
>mfw the piss wizard friendzoned me posthumously