James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn

Father of daughters. Owner of pigs. Writer of books:

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My publisher wanted me to make a video about my upcoming children's book. I don't think this is what they had in mind. This might be the first ad to sell negative copies. Oh, well. At least we had fun making it.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Don't be jealous of my best feature.
https://t.co/LKToEUqWbr

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

It was the only trip to a restaurant that's ever sent me into a spiral about the meeting of my entire life.
https://t.co/ObldW33sq1

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

I thought I was out of new milestones at my age, but, for the first time ever, I used my electric razor on my ears. Oh, the joys of growing up.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Nothing makes kids happier than a precisely measured competition with publicly announced winners and losers.
https://t.co/A4IEdDdgQa

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Here's a full explanation of the questionable decision-making that led me to taking my family out in the worst weather of the year.
https://t.co/eBGfAtJLsq

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Pro tip: The best time to take your kids to their first NFL game is when tickets are super cheap because your team has already been eliminated from the playoffs and it's the middle of a blizzard.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Our New Year's Eve tradition is to play Rock Band together as a family. There are only two guitars but a room full of singers, especially when Journey comes on.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

I told my wife there were rumors about a Star Trek Enterprise Lego set coming out.

She just stared at me.

I thought she didn't care.

Then she asked if it was the Enterprise D.

That's how I know she's still the one.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Some babies are angrier than others. This is the angriest one of all.
https://t.co/U9x7wYo1Dy

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My kids made up a game to play together.

The first rule was "no hurting each other."

I couldn't tell you what the other rules were.

They immediately broke Rule 1.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

It was kind of Facebook Messenger to remind me that, on this day three years ago, my wife sent me a picture of Tupperware from the store. Truly a moment I'll treasure forever.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Lightsaber chopsticks work even better as lightsaber hair accessories. We're living in the year 3000 over here.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Santa brought lightsaber chopsticks and cheese balls. Obviously meant to be used together.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Pajama and Lego Day. Christmas Eve done right.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

This winter has been a battle in my house.
https://t.co/em4mwaOCuT

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

I set a new low for hosting when I led our guests outside on a cold, dark night for this.
https://t.co/robjMRoODz

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Stay warm out there. It's pigs in a blanket season.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My friend Clint Edwards has a new book out today! It's conveniently stocking-sized. Be prepared to laugh and feel all the feels. https://t.co/kLI0Yvvebw

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

That's one way to lose a friend forever over Thanksgiving.
https://t.co/vhMeWAS5Df