Yasqueen Bleeth

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

Remember - when you’re muttering to yourself under your breath, no matter what you’re saying…your dogs can hear every word.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

“Vodka is a 40% solution which means I have to fix the other 60% of my problems on my own.”

-Scranton Goldwater

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@itsdaneesaur @BobMenery your thoughts...?

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@KeatonPatti This is the woman with the secret soup

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

OVERHEARD IN MY DREAM THIS MORNING:

THEM: “Who’s My Morning Jacket?”

ME: “The lead singer looks like Yanni and Mark McGwire had a baby.”

Checks out.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Alice: What was 2016 - 2020 like, dad?
Me: A fat racist would say stupid shit and we’d argue about it on our phones all day.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

#thisisTexas

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@MattOswaltVA @pattonoswalt She is such a useless cunt

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@yoshi_fuerte I am the devil

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@octopus_pi @sabokitty @maaronjo @abc13houston @WillieNelson @BetoORourke Twitter must be all Cylons now.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@realDonaldTrump Eat a bag of dicks

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@BradleyCooperPA are you still planning a development of the Hyperion Cantos?

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

Twitter on the shitter. All right.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

I don’t see why some men are grossed out by having sex during a period. Like you never jerked off with your own blood? #please #loveher

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@TopoChicoUSA do you still make Twist of Tangerine or did I dream up that flavor?

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@realDonaldTrump Please shut the fuck up

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@jimmykimmel I think you should do a segment where uber passengers are unwittingly picked up by Mario Andretti.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

@trumpsterMG @realDonaldTrump That’s worse than the photoshop of Nancy Reagan nude. Now THAT’S in your head.

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

The original #CrossFit ?

[Yasqueen Bleeth @YasqueenBleeth]

The only reason we have hair on our a-holes is so we can rip it out when we wipe. Like the Charmin bears are just chortling, “life is pain!”