Andthe hardest part is that i have become afraid of wanting anything too deeply. Afraid that if I pray for something with all my heart again, I might lose it too.
I prayed for something with all my heart. In Tahajjuds, throughout Ramzan, in every namaz, in every place I believed prayers were closest to being answered. I was given it, only to lose it in a way I never imagined.
Sometimes I wonder if I held on too tightly, if I asked for it so desperately that I forgot not everything we long for is meant for us in the way we imagine. Maybe that's not true, but grief has a way of making you question everything.