I think men are becoming too content with being useless. You guys literally Can’t fix shit, can’t build, don’t pay for shit , struggling to plan dates . Like what are you really here for??
You could’ve just said you never intended to marry her, and that would’ve been fine. Not everyone enters relationships with marriage in mind.
But what’s frustrating here is the way you’ve framed it, like her asking for a ring somehow revealed something to you, as if for five whole years, you were blissfully unaware of what she wanted.
We all know that’s not how it works though. People talk. Even your friends of five years, you have a vague sense of their life goals.
So someone you’ve been intimately involved with for years? You definitely knew. You probably knew from the start that marriage was on her radar. And instead of being honest, you kept her in it.
Maybe you never outright promised her anything, but you likely gave just enough to keep her hoping.
To me, a situationship isn’t just about being undefined: it’s about an imbalance of intent. Two people are romantically or sexually involved, but one wants more commitment than the other.
That’s what this was. You were in a five-year relationship, and she wanted a future. You didn’t. But instead of ending it the moment you knew you couldn’t give her that, you stayed. Why? Because you were benefiting.
Maybe it was the sex. Maybe the companionship. Maybe she cooked, cleaned, made you laugh, kept you grounded … maybe she was beautiful, or just super agreeable … whatever it was, it served you.
So let’s not pretend her persistence made you realize she’d never get a ring. You always knew she wouldn’t get a ring. You just didn’t say it, because saying it would’ve meant losing what you were getting from her.
The honest answer to this situation isn’t:
“She kept asking when she was gonna get a ring and it made me realize she was never gonna get one from me”
It’s:
“I was never going to marry her, but I didn’t tell her. I affirmed her desire genuinely enough and let it drag out for five years because it was convenient for me.”
But of course, saying that would make you sound like the villain. So instead, you tried to make it sound mutual, like a tragic misalignment. It wasn’t.
You misled her, whether through omission or softness or cowardice or malice. Then when you felt you no longer wanted her company and everything that came with it, you told her the truth.
That’s not a misunderstanding; that’s manipulation 🫢