Bella .✦ ݁˖

21

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

@blukittendoll AMAZING OMG !!! 👏🏻 also, you have really pretty features 🫶🏻🩷

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Okay I’m fully relapsing fuck this

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Gonna fast just for today because I binged really bad last night

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Can’t wait to wake up early, lift my weights, do my cardio, buy some liquor, and then cry for 3 hours straight tomorrow

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I wish someone would love me

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I wish I was beautiful. I’ll never be enough. I feel like I’m nearing the end of my life, I’ve dealt with this pain for too long. If i was attractive life would be so much easier. I feel deformed, i just want to rip my skin off.

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Me in recovery pretending I don’t care about my BMI (i do) #edrtwt #ricecaketwt #recoverytwt

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Throwback to when I had a short-lived recovery last year. I was focusing on embracing my natural curves + body re-comping. I will get back to this soon ❤️‍🩹
#edtwt #recoveryspo #recoverytwt #gymtwt

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I seriously wish I could lose weight without getting ana face

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

@sannotsanrio Thank you so much ❤️

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Gonna start going to the gym tomorrow and attempt recovery one last time… I’m fucking scared but it needs to happen. The way I’m living isn’t sustainable, I have things to do and goals to achieve. Also I’m aging like milk from malnutrition.
#edtwt #recoverytwt #recoveryspo

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Part of me feels like I don’t deserve recovery because I’m not underweight

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I’m seriously considering recovery this time around. I’ve been relapsed for almost 3 years now, I’m so fucking tired of this shit. I just want to be happy again.

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

@skinnlheart You’re recovery is truly inspiring, I’m so proud of you ❤️ keep at it, you deserve this beautiful life

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

Debating on whether I should fast or restrict today……. Hmmmm

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

@Starlight0kcal It’s mainly a thing people are doing on instagram, it’s so weird and annoying but they think making fun of ano**xia is the most hilarious thing ever…

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

This trend of using AI to fake having an ED after going through someone’s phone is beyond disturbing. The fact that it’s coming from plus sized creators makes it even more jarring. Just another example of how EDs aren’t taken seriously, it makes me sick.

#edtwt #ana #wl #ed

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I need to start working out again so I can look toned and not skinny fat

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I wish eating disorders were truly as glamorous as I and others portray them to be online, but they’re truly not glamorous at all. It’s all just a huge cope. I think this will only end when it kills me.

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

I feel so s*icid*l, I can’t even tell my best friend about it because I’m so scared of pushing her away. I love her to death and if I lose her over my mental illness I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t tell my family either because they don’t understand. I feel so stuck.

[Bella .✦ ݁˖ @0CalSoul]

The only thing keeping me from relapsing on sh is the fact that I don’t want more scars on my body and the fear of other people’s judgment, but God I really want to.