Your Angry Waitress

I've got a fake laugh with your name all over it.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

$24,000 English degree, and a 7-year-old at my table just used a word I didn't know.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

Me: *clears empty plate* how was everything?

Customer: *chuckling* awful, I hated it.

Me: *repeatedly stabs them in the face with fork*

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

A moment of silence for my wasted potential

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

You win again, fry bowl.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

I will not eat fries I will not eat fries I will not eat fries I will not eat fries I will not eat fries I will not eat fries I will not

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

Remember to relax. It's steak and fries, not saving lives.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

When you accidentally splash dirty cutlery water into your mouth and don't even flinch, it's probably time to get out of the serving game

[servers at heart @waitresslife]

you know you're a server when you require an alarm to be up at 10:30 am

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

Unless the way you're tapping on your glass is morse code for "excuse me, may I please have more water", then you're being a real dick.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

And on Wednesdays, we wear the same uniforms we wear every other day...

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

You probably think we have an unspoken agreement in which I don't eat your fries off your plate before I bring it to you, but you're wrong.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

A woman just asked for a decaf non-fat vanilla latte. What about our menu made you think that was even a possibility?

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

I'd like to give a shout out to all the bus boys out there who consistently fail to do their jobs. Thanks for never letting me down.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

When people ask "What's your story?" I say "You got 21 years for me to tell it?" then we laugh and I never tell them anything about myself.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

Running food is my cardio.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

Caught myself saying "Mr. Potato, you're my best friend" to my mid-shift snack of a baked potato so I think it's time to change jobs now

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

The best is when people ask you to add your own shitty tip to the total instead of doing it themselves. Talk about adding insult to injury.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

I was away traveling for 2 months. Day 1 back at work: Forgot to wear underwear and multiple people ordered herbal tea with dinner. Classic.

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

If I got paid for all the hours I spend having nightmares about serving I would be seriously loaded

[Your Angry Waitress @1AngryWaitress]

A girl said it was her birthday. As a joke, my coworker said to stand on her chair so he could sing to her. Turns out, she only had 1 leg.