🦄scout

: I’m not salty, I’m well-seasoned. 🏳️‍🌈🐎🖖

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: this twitter account revival has been inspired by the fury of finding unrinsed dishes in the dishwasher, again. 🤦‍♀️ #FORFUCKSSAKE

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: yeah if you think my nails are fucking shredded bro you should see my SOUL ok #merrychristmastime

[Rude Astrology: The Knowledge No One Else Has. @Rude_Astrology]

Pisces, you're not god. It doesn't matter if you believe you can save people, you can't. You can only help them see the path not make them walk it.

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: watching people be totally baffled by the automatic air machine at kstar is my new favorite hobby... did y’all even read the instructions cuz it kinda seems like you didn’t even try 😂

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: my last nerve? you’re on it. 😒

[Dangerously Beefy @vickers_stephen]

AAAAADDDDDRRRRRIIIIIAAAANNNN

[Astro Poets @poetastrologers]

Week of 12/8 in Pisces: A soft and sweet drink will be made just for you. By someone with a biting wit. If you need to remember then do so. This will be so good this will be ecstasy.

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: the only good thing about these frigid temps is that all the leftover beverages in my truck are hovering at freezing and that’s hella refreshing

[Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1]

Rep. Frederica Wilson to Betsy DeVos: "I've had some honest disagreements with my friends in the Republican party about how to move education forward but I've never, not one time, believed that they were out to destroy public education until I met you."

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: goodnight irene, my final is done so I am too 🙃

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: I wish I cared more that I overslept today, but honestly it’s the first morning I’ve felt like a real functioning human before caffeine in a long time so 💁‍♀️

[The Hoarse Whisperer @TheRealHoarse]

Stopped in to a pub to watch the late football games.

A man comes in, sidles up in the space next to me and orders a drink. Late 50’s maybe.

Wearing a Steelers shirt. Asks if they can turn one of the TVs to the game but he wasn’t really watching.

1/

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: in case you were wondering, no I’m still not over my cold, and I fucked up my back real good yesterday so this weekend is gonna be a gem 🥴

[The Hoarse Whisperer @TheRealHoarse]

Why does Boris Johnson always look like he combed his hair with a balloon?

[marie 🧸 @s4ndworm]

this is such a good example of what people who’ve never had a breakdown think a breakdown is

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: not 30 seconds after my initial alarm and the orange cat is already singing the song of his people through the bedroom door because he’s gonna STARVE if he doesn’t eat RIGHT NOW

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: the sleep I get between my partner leaving for work and when I get up for work is next level

[🦄scout @1fauxmo]

: ringing in the last month of 2019 with mucus and incessant coughing, so fa la la la la or whatever #bahhumbug 🎄

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the human seems to think. only one of us can fit on a chair. but what they always fail to consider. is if we were stacked on top of each other