1Happytwit

I'm mildly amusing and vaguely interesting. Sometimes I eat crayons.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

If I tell you about my murder plan, you're already part of it.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Don't tase me officer, I already have an erection

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Is the pandemic over yet?

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

@schumyxxx 🥂 Thanks! It's been a while 😎

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

They say men aren't complicated but I'll be fucked if I can figure out how to put this one back together.

[The Flounder Pounder @Amiigat]

You can trust me.

I'm from the Internet.

[Rob Thomas @RobotThomas]

You're just one marble away from having one.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Don't think of yourself as single, think of yourself as unsupervised and go hard.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

@JewelDole It's some crap story no one wants to hear

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Behind every broken heart is some crap story no one wants to hear.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Behind every broken heart is some crap story no one wants to hear.

[Rob Thomas @RobotThomas]

I don't know how it all works out in the end. I'm not ready for the end.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

@RobotThomas 🍻😘

[Rob Thomas @RobotThomas]

You're a gift. Unfortunately you didn't come with an exchange receipt.

[1Happytwit @1Happytwit]

Let's sit in a gutter and philosophise about life.

[Richard Harris @RichHarris2]

Some days you’re desperate to be inspired and somehow your instincts keep you alert for that.

[Stubaby @Floatersfinest]

I miss fun Twitter - it was always fuelled by anger and sadness but it produced laughter. Now with Trump and Brexit and Islamophobia it seems just vitriolic and decisive. I think we need a group hug.

[DONTJIMMYMEJULZ @DONTJIMMYMEJULZ]

"...one for him, and eight for me." - Me, leaving Santa a Christmas whisky.

[〰️Johnny Sockz 🗨 〰️ @johnnysockz]

There's someone for everybody .... just your someone is a psychiatrist.

.

[HEART @HeartSPL]

the intelligent part of being smart is the not trying...