You cannot abandon someone, and cut off communication when you manipulated them into giving you THEIR time, energy, affection and, worse, INTAMACY. Do not expect Karma to turn a blind eye. You used them, you had them there waiting to be chosen, loved. You created unnecessary pain and anxiety. You are delusional if you believe you can just go around lying to people about how you feel towards them and build a connection, when that person was nothing but GENUINE towards you.
I really owe myself an apology. For staying in places where I felt I wasn't wanted, but chose to hold on anyway. For trying to fix bonds that were already dead. For putting people first who would never have done the same for me. I knew better, but I kept giving chances. I kept showing up for folks who didn't appreciate me. So now I'm holding myself accountable, because I should.