1stworldfatigue

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Rent some puppies, go to David's Bridal and eat this whole pumpkin pie." -Gin

[Ben Bishop @bennybish]

"Trust me you can dance" - Vodka

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

Lady: I like ur name, it's cute!
::Combs hair w/fingers, smiles::
Lady: Is this your dad's credit card?...Oh, you're a 'Writer'
#TailsOfWoes

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

#AccidentallyPoetic: Having #TAPS play while waiting at any American bureaucratic institution.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

How @AdamCarranza and I talk shop.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

For an extra $2 I don't have to make a pitstop in Phoenix?!?!? #FLAMEON

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

@BarackObama, a guideline to proper use of "WE":

"WE are having a baby" = OK
"WE are going to Agent Orange your ass" = NOT OK
#Syria

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

Last time I checked framework of "OUR" ideals, "Haphazardly galavanting into complex situations 'WE' have oversimplified" was not listed.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

Perhaps one of social media's biggest problems is the zero wait time between action-to-reaction. Like #UncontrollableBowelMovements.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

To ensure I stay within own ideals of social media, would like to declare that any selfie I take usually happens before I poop.
#TMI? #PFT.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

Just like my fave real estate agent in Phoenix, will be printing articles I'd like to read today, then reading them w/my bifocal glasses.

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Oh gurl, w/those cheeks, plump lips and 3rd world country pedigree? The Jolie-Pitts woulda just scooped you up!"

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Let's lay on soft textiles, listen to some Paula Cole, look into our souls, dream of our future & cry." #DawsonsCrackpot #ChasingTailsOfJoy

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Baby, how many more Attenborough docs do I have to watch w/you to get to second base?" she inquired. #NaturalCuriosities #ChasingTailsOfJoy

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"'We met on Grindr, pretending to be 2 gay men...she a cub, and I a bear.' Mum reflected." #HowIMetYourOTHERMother #ChasingTailsOfJoy

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Sir, regardless of how many threatening neck and sleeve tattoos of skull&crossbones you wield...you still drive a Nissan Cube." #SafeSpaces

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

"Every time you adapt a new social media platform & don't know what to do w/it, an angel gets its wings clipped & thrown in an incinerator."

[1stworldfatigue @1stworldfatigue]

Digging #CookieMonster's new life framework of #selfregulating #delayedgratification and its rewards.

http://t.co/w9YaM8gAw4