Dutch Declain

Stand-up comedian extraordinaire, defeater of anorexia. Father and lover.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Just to clear up any rumors you may have heard on @RealAlexJones or elsewhere, I officially have the last photo of Lindsey Graham.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

You got KNOCKED THE FUGG OUT! Burger King still<Waffle House!

https://t.co/vgOwyJKdDv

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@adamcarolla as awesome as Cleopatra Schwartz is, hands down the funniest line in
Kentucky fried movie is:
"And the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln!"

(The last line of "Big Jim Slade/ Joy of sex" )

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

I wish I'd been able to get a better shot without getting my ass kicked.... But today I got photographic evidence of the original patient zero mullet. So committed he got a mullet toupe and put it over top of the remnants of the OG. His mustache smells like everybody's Aunt.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

https://t.co/wwwtvQPy9w
They got @bertkreischer doing Kool aid keg stands with @tomsegura lmfao 🤣🤣🤣 This is the most black fans either ever had! STFU... It's Fat N****@ season!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

https://t.co/BJWjUn9QVG
This @joerogan vid is everything! Aliens, DMT, and @bertkreischer with the Fat N****'s from fat coin in space! If anyone sees this and has a connect, get it @joerogan or JRE producer Jaime he must see!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@adamcarolla here's the Ayds diet!
https://t.co/LClDd9kz4C

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

As long as they're not "Ace's sexual batteries". Lol.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Headed to 9pm @adamraycomedy show thanks to so many brilliant appearances on @AdamCarollaShow .
Have to take my wife here for her birthday because the last 2x @adamcarolla came to town my wife ended up pregnant!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@adamraycomedy is literally the nicest nice guy in entertainment. He spends no less than 3 minutes chatting up every fan who bought tix & wants to meet him. He's now my comedy role model!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Taboo 2. Blood Sweat and Tears. Phantasm. @adamcarolla Is my pop culture soulmate.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Smooth move @adamcarolla snitching on me over the Sylmar $30M heist. As ring leader I could have cut you in for keeping quiet!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

I told my wife if she didn't like the strawberries, now she can shove them up her ass. #ValentinesDay

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Go to bed Google, you're drunk!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@AdamCarollaShow did you catch the new camp prospects? Nose tackle D'hard Woods, and the butterfingered receiver Hawk Zucker?

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Fresh @JayMohrSports on @adamcarolla plus late model Jay Mohr on Carolla Classics! After lunch taboo2 viewing followed by a midday nap...... It's going to take a lot to fuck this day up!

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@jaxxvsyou @TheBigNickJ Blue bag..... That sounds like my wife's superpower.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@TheBigNickJ Don't write it on an etch a sketch..... U know, earthquakes and such.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

@TheBigNickJ Baby shark.

[Dutch Declain @2LiterDutch]

Got my pre-sale tickets for @bertkreischer in Cincinnati with code "TOPSOFF".... Now it's got me wondering what show the bottoms will be attending that night?...or does "topsoff" mean "no tops allowed". Hope I don't lose my butt cherry finding out!