2WE

I have my moments.

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One of life's biggest mysteries is how I'm not yet bald with all the hair that falls out in the shower.

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Debating on whether or not I should have durian this morning. Do I want friends today or nah?

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Winning is when you're Asian and female and some non-Asian dude compliments your good driving in Westminster.

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Why do people bother bringing food into the bathroom? Might as well eat while you poop.

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S’mores Pop Tarts are the best things to have happened to me. #tearsofjoy

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Having complementary hotel breakfast with the family and my brother goes, "do you know you're eating prison food? Same everything."

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It's Friday, I can’t have meat and some asshole brought in a whole platter of freaking fried chicken. Why.

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Spent 20 minutes on the treadmill today - 15 minutes detangling earbud cords and 5 minutes at a 2.8 pace. #fitlife

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People pick their noses like they’re driving around with 100% tint or something.

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It's almost midnight and I can't determine whether they're cats in heat or grandmas in pain.

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The gym is where most people lose weight. I lose my butt and boobs.

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@TedisMyNickname I forget how useful Twitter is for such random and inappropriate thoughts.

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Not 100% sure what "truffle butter" is but it sounds like an awful UTI waiting to happen.

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Just google'd "high hombre" instead of "high ombre". I've lived in SoCal for far too long.

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I may have gone to the bathroom just now, and I may have discovered I wore my underwear inside-out. #adultlife

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Why does the word "nasty" sound so nasty?

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Had so many fries I think I'm see-through. #noregrets

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I ran out of cookie butter. It's the end of the world.

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The biggest and probably only benefit of studying psychology is knowing how to spell the damn word.

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It's 8AM and I've already had 2 brownies. My stomach's going to love me this morning. Happy Friday!