magnumcartaa

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

@Mikemaurer27 Didn’t say I was unhappy about it

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Every post I see on Twitter is either porn or a dark souls meme

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I fucking love my girlfriend

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

John of all trades

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

It’s just an insane moment for the team and New York. That was a complete legendary run

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I am feeling a tinge of jealousy about the Knicks because I just can’t root for the Knicks but it’s hard to not be happy for them especially because they were just so clearly the better team from beginning to end of that series. It should have been a sweep honestly

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Buying a trench coat so I can flash my roommates

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Were dogs ever allergic to chocolate or was that just something they made up for no reason

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I called a public safety officer a pussy and he stole every breath that’s ever been inside of me

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

@Mikemaurer27 I genuinely crack up when they say that

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I’ve never felt closer to the limu emu and Doug

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I be straight up scrolling on Twitter while driving

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I swear to genuine Christ how does one think of this I am so pumped up I might kill my roommate

[John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp]

Cute girl: haha what are you listening to

(She takes my earbud)

Ai movie recap of Forrest Gump: the retarded man held bubba while dead. He knew bubba did shrimp. A shrimp boat in bubbas memory for fishing. no legs Dan meets god while out shrimping

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

How many beers does it take you to turn on game 5 Celtics mavericks? For me it’s about 3/5 of a bottle of cheap wine

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Stan wrote to Eminem: “I’m going 90 on the freeway” but really I often go that fast normally. I don’t think that’s so crazy.

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I feel like such a dick telling the chipotle workers what to do. They hate me

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Tucking the ball and taking a sack is better than throwing a pick. Hang in the pocket, trust your guys downfield, stay behind your big men.

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

I was washing a watermelon and dropped it onto the corner of my sink. It snapped in two vast halves directly into the basin. I had been looking forward to this watermelon all day and I was not going to waste it. I demolished probably 2 pounds of watermelon raw from the shell

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

Don’t come to the jerk session tomorrow if the Celtics lose.

[magnumcartaa @2amrambler]

How is it possible that the most lyric aching poetic words I’ve ever seen in my life are always from YouTube comments under music videos