Senior Bones

Part time consultant, full time cynic.

[Senior Bones @2forloafing]

@unbaaccinated @RobertFreundLaw Except that could also be described as ‘plain’, original as a name can be misleading to the consumer.

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Introducing the all-new 1980 Chevrolet I Hate My Life.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I joined an American gym. I carried the smallest weights to a corner and lifted them with correct, ceremonial form.

A man the size of a vending machine nodded at me and said, "Light day? Respect."

It was not a light day. It was my entire strength. He chose the interpretation that protected my honor, and he chose it instantly. I have received less mercy from diplomats.

A week later, a stranger asked me to spot him. I did not know the word. He explained: stand over me, and save my life if the bar wins.

A stranger. Placing his breathing privileges under my supervision. Based on nothing. I have guarded castle gates with less seriousness than I guarded that man's bench press.

Then it was my turn, and I met the greatest lie in America.

The bar was too heavy. It sank toward my chest. Instantly there were hands on it, lifting it as if it were empty, while their owner screamed, "ALL YOU, BIG MAN. THAT'S ALL YOU."

It was not all me. It was almost none me. He carried the entire bar with two fingers while insisting, loudly, that I was achieving this alone.

Everyone knows it is a lie. It is also the truest thing anyone has said to me in this country. The whole gym is held up by it, the same way the bar was.

Last month I failed a lift, loudly. The clang brought three men jogging over like lifeguards. Nobody laughed. The vending machine helped me up and said, "We've all been under that bar."

We. All. Under the bar. It is apparently a nation.

They have taught me the nod. I am now authorized to nod at strangers who are suffering voluntarily at six in the morning.

Monday. Six a.m. They leave me the good bench.

All you, they will say.

It will not be. That is the joke everyone is in on, and no one will ever say out loud.

[Steve “Dangle” Glynn @Steve_Dangle]

In order:

1. That's a Kraken jersey
2. That's an Oilers jersey
3. Sure
4. Risky, but ok
5. We must never go back to this era of jersey in sports ever again. We must perish before we go back to this.
6. Boring
7. Boring, but sure
8. This is an Oilers jersey drawn from memory

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

My neighbor was leaving for vacation and said, "Hey, hold down the fort while I'm gone."

I did not know this was a figure of speech.
I am a samurai.
A fort is a fort.

I made a perimeter map.
I checked the fence line twice a day, at dawn and at dusk.
I memorized the delivery truck's schedule.
I identified the enemy. It was a raccoon.
We engaged three times. I will not say who won.

On the fourth night, a storm came.
A fort is weakest in a storm.
So I stood watch on his porch from 9 PM to 2 AM, in the rain.
His security camera saw me.
His wife, who had not left yet, called my phone. "What are you doing?"
"Holding down the fort," I said.
There was a long silence.
"Do you... want a flashlight?"

She brought me a flashlight and a thermos of coffee.
She did not laugh.
She said, "The fort thanks you."

When my neighbor came home, I handed him a full report.
Fence secure. Deliveries normal. Raccoon situation ongoing.
He read the whole report standing in his driveway.
Then he straightened his back, looked me in the eye, and said:
"Well held, soldier."

Now, whenever anyone on our street goes on vacation, they come to me first.
They say the words formally, like a transfer of command.
"The fort is yours."
I accept.
I have held down eleven forts.

Last week, I found a badge in my mailbox.
The neighborhood had made it for me.
It says FORT COMMANDER.

I did not ask for this rank.
I will not give it back.
I wear it on patrol.

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Nothing better than losing on The People’s Court and then having Doug Llewelyn treat you like you’re a stupid piece of shit on your way out.

[Daniel Dale @ddale8]

Vaccines do not cause autism

Vaccine doses are nowhere close to “the size of a bottle of soda,” they’re a fraction of a teaspoon

The combo MMR vaccine is not “quite lethal,” it’s been very safe for more than five decades

There are no separate M/M/R shots available in the US and won’t be anytime soon 

Autism prevalence wasn’t “1 in 10,000” in 2006, it was 1 in 110

No state has been requiring little kids to get “72 jabs,” nor even by age 18

Fact check on the rapid-fire vaccine misinformation President Trump delivered yesterday while pushing to change US vaccine policy: https://t.co/qSF53N8XJW

[Steve Carlson #17 @steve_carlson17]

Called us names 👊

I don't know who created it

[Carolina Hurricanes @Canes]

Somehow he's aging in reverse. HBD to our guy!

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Florence Pugh during Season 7 of Running Wild with Bear Grylls, as she spent two days navigating the rugged Costa Rican rainforest alongside Bear Grylls.

Florence Pugh traded movie sets for the Costa Rican rainforest when she joined Bear Grylls on Running Wild. Over two days, she rappelled from a helicopter, crossed rushing rivers, climbed through waterfalls and cliffs, and learned survival skills she eventually had to put into practice herself to reach their extraction point. It offered fans a completely different look at Pugh beyond the characters she plays on screen.

[Donald Trump Stock Tracker @DJTRadar]

This is bad.

You know that right?

[DepressedBergman @DannyDrinksWine]

According to Peter Weir, one potential American distributor for "Picnic at Hanging Rock" (1975), who wanted to buy the rights of the movie, threw the coffee cup at the screen during the end of the movie and said, "I've sat here for nearly 2 hours and there's no solution to the goddam mystery." The movie wasn't released in the USA during the initial run. According to Weir, USA was the only country that didn't release it then. Distributor after distributor saw the movie & praised the technical side of it, but they didn't buy "it didn't end".

(Peter Weir's interview with Kyla Ward, 1994)

P.S: On this day, 51 years ago, "Picnic at Hanging Rock" (1975) premiered in Adelaide, Australia.

[The Sting @TheStingisBack]

Sam Elliott gives a completely straight, 20-second rundown of his Road House character in the flattest possible way.
And it's still somehow the coolest thing you’ll hear today.

[Daniel Valente 🏎️ @F1GuyDan]

🚨 The only drivers in F1 history to have a podium percentage over 90% in a single season are photographed below

1. Michael Schumacher - 100% (17/17 in 2002)
2. Max Verstappen - 95.45% (21/22 in 2023)

The two greatest seasons in F1 history.