365 Scottish Insults

Welcome to a collection of the best insults and put-downs that Scotland has to offer, courtesy of the multi-award nominated author Escobar Walker.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

She had a fanny like Brian May's plug hole.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's the reason dildos were invented.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

She's played with more banjo strings than Billy Connolly

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Your sister's so ugly her portraits hang themselves.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's got a face like fire damaged lego

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Your brother teaches Zumba.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He couldnae get his hole in a barrel of fannies.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Yer maw pays full price at DFS.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Yer gran eats Pringles wi a knife and fork.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Shes got an arse like two weans fighting under a duvet.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Yer Maw's the best bricklayer in Drumchapel.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's got a face like fire damaged lego

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Your Da is a teeth model for cigarette packets.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

I’d call you a cunt, but you have neither the warmth nor the depth.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

The best part of you ran down your mother’s thigh.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's got a face like a bad period cramp.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's got a face like a strong smell of gas.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

He's got a face like a cold fish supper.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Skinny? He's built like the gable end of a Peperami.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Your girlfriend looks like ET's cum face.

[365 Scottish Insults @365_INSULTS]

Yer Da wears 4 stripe trackies.