Ass Review

An analytical look at 3D character art in video games from a professional 3D artist.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Welcome to Ass Review, a 3D artist's perspective on video game butts. An ass rated... whenever I get around to it. DMs are open for suggestions.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Machamp Shove Ride Pokemon (Pokemon Sun/Moon, 2016)
Good use of splitting the UVs to make nice, clean divides in the texture around his panties. Between texture and geometry you can see a bit of tightness around his upper thigh, tho the ass itself doesn't have much. 6.5/10

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Warrior of Light (Dissidia 012: Final Fantasy)
Despite being under SO many layers between both a cape and those tassets, Some madlad at SE opted to sculpt this legendary ass in its entirety. A for effort, no doubt, though the mis-UVed polys are noted. 7/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Maya Fey (Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright, 2012) (Requested by @iCeCoCaCoLa64)
Another of the "nothing under the skirt" types. This model DOES have a nice layering of the coat and the skirt though, and, if you look closely, additional polygons in the back for shaping. 6/10.

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Epona (Zelda: Twilight Princess, 2006)
Considering you've gotta stare directly at horse butt the entire time you're riding her,I think the effort exuded here was warranted. Good call making the tail a separate object for animation, and great realistic horse butt shape. 8/10.

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Hugh Neutron (Jimmy Neutron: Attack of the Twonkies, 2004)
Shrimpy, lower-poly than N64 Sheik, and these smoothing group errors! The latter could just be an issue with exporting the model from the game, but the rest is a damn poor showing. 1/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Elastigirl (The Incredibles, 2004)
Obvious out of the way, holy SHIT those hips. But more interestingly, I like how they modeled the lines in the outfit so they could make clean divides with the UVs. Strangely though, no attempt to shape the crack with such a tight outfit. 7/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Also requested by @NSFWSheikMylove, a comparision to Smash U!
Unlike SmUsh, Sm4sh textures seem to rely MUCH more heavily on normals for their detail. What this lacks in texture and geometrical detail compared to its successor, it makes up for in great, higher-res normals. 8/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Sheik (SSBU, 2018) (Requested by @NSFWSheikMylove)
Honestly? Better than I expected! I was let down by post-OOT Sheik butts lacking the same overall size and the definition in their texture, but the geometry and normals here REALLY make up for it. 9/10!

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Fat Chocobo (Final Fantasy 3DS, 2006)
This game keeps giving me non-existent asses. I've got a job to do here, guys. But that aside, I can at least admire smart saving of polygons in a fixed-camera game. Feathers look nice (tho I was too lazy to fix alphas). 0/10 on principle.

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James (Pokemon GO, 2016/2020)
He looks, mostly, pretty good, as well as faithful to his anime appearance. The extra polys below his ass cheeks, however, are definitely more than you really need for flexibility, and just leave things looking weird and a bit wrinkled. 6.5/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Cursed Human (Final Fantasy III DS, 2006)
What am I even meant to make of this. What the fuck.
...He do got dem hips tho
0/10

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Neku Sakuraba (Kingdom Hearts 3D, 2012)
You know, I really wanted to be able to make a joke about this kid's ass being flatter than his heart monitor, but despite the baggy SE pants, he's got a decent shape here from the side. Blocky, but nice texture. 6/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Mumbo-Jumbo (Banjo-Kazooie, 1998)
Forgive the odd lighting on this one, but this is a low-poly ass on the level of Mega Man Volnutt. Mumbo seems a particularly chunky model for this game, but at least he's way thiccer than Volnutt. 2.5/10

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Alucard (Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, 2018)
Looking at another assist trophy, Alucard is alright, all things considered. The texture work is excellent, conveying the material of his pants very well. The geometry is nothing special, but doesn't need to be with the long coat. 6.5/10

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Grandpa Joe (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005)
A mediocre ass befitting this bastard. Muddled textures, flat shape, very obvious holes in the coat's geometry... but at least he IS fully modeled under the coat. More than expected, honestly. 3/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Min Min (ARMS, 2017)
This whole model is nice, with some great stylistic choices and excellent textures conveying material well. Her butt's no exception, with a great mesh texture on her shorts, well-shaped geometry, and some CRAZY hips. 9/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Bianca (Spyro Reignited, 2018) (Requested by @iCeCoCaCoLa64)
Color me surprised, she's completely modeled under the miniskirt! That's pretty uncommon, a nice bit of extra effort by the artist. No cute cottontail though, what's even the point of having a bunny character then? 7/10

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Widowmaker (Overwatch, 2016) (Requested by @FloofOver)
Very impressive showing. Modeled well, high-poly, and makes wise use of seams in the UV to make some well-defined lines on the suit! My one gripe is an oddity with the texture near the crack, it looks... asymmetrical? 8.5/10

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Waluigi (Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, 2018)
Not quite on Phosphora's level of definition, but understandable considering the denim. The low-res texturing is what's bothering me here. But this specific model aside, I just don't think poor Waluigi has a very good ass. 6/10.

[Ass Review @3DAssReview]

Mega Man Volnutt (Mega Man Legends, 1997)
The lowest-poly ass I've seen by far. This game has a great blocky charm, and there's a not-zero effort to shape this correctly, but... it's just nothing. The boy's got no ass. 2/10.