ArtMatt

Vaudevillian

Lincoln

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

I'm very much on the fence regarding pinned tweets

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

I hate to be paradoxical but I don't like ostentatious people yet I LOVE Austin Powers

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Anyone who throws their old rotting pumpkins into the garbage instead of their back yard garden is leaving money on the table

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Don't plant clover in your back yard they said!
Clover is an invasive species in Virginia they said!

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

JACKPOT!!!

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Before you stands two doors, each guarded by a knight. The catch is: one knight never tells the truth, and one knight only farts.

Me: Uh, okay, what door will the other knight tell me to go through?

Knight 1: BRAPPPPPP

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

We are all familiar with the stylistic choice to use a backwards "R" in the name of the band Korn, but only true fans know that the band insists the "O" is also backwards.

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@beginbot Congratulations, this was the correct answer to earn your PhD in game theory at Nash University

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Oh you love America? Why don't you tell me then, exactly what did Paul revere?

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@terminaldotshop HELL YA

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

BROOM FEVER IS SWEEPING THE NATION! 🧹🧹

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@beginbot Yngwie Malmsteen should be the patron saint of dyslexia, not St. Joseph of Cupertino.

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Id chop off my left nut for an all female remake of Half Baked

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

What I wouldn't do to be able to do this

[barbarism critic @barbarismcrit]

I’m crying this is so accurate

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Hoi Polloi: Wanna feel old? No more gen alpha kids are being born, its all gen beta now.

Me: Wanna feel gross? I weighed my keyboard before and after shaking out all the skin and dust in it. 1.3 pound difference.

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@WarrenInTheBuff As a volcano lover, its my opinion that we should harness the power of this fish

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@beginbot Id love to see this speed run incorporate Heelys

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

Just figured out how to enter a flow state for procrastination, someday this is going to make me rich.

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@LowLevelTweets Love that we have the same password for everything

[ArtMatt @5000dollarideas]

@terminaldotshop got it in one