The Ump's Ump

You can't get mad at Hawkeye. I read standards & regulations.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

A backhand slice winner on her first stroke after the serve. Lovely striking of the ball @ashbarty . Good luck in Melbourne!

[wta @WTA]

What a shot from @ashbarty! 👀

#AdelaideTennis

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@ADHDdesigner @petequily Kitchen and basically all cabinets need glass doors.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@Riske4rewards Ali, JP needs to stay away from the Yastremsk BH on 2nd service, at least until her 1st srv % is up. 🙏 #BillieJeanKingCup

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

And, folks, this is how you write a clickbait tweet that sounds introspective. [I agree the 'optics' are horrible but there is more to it than meets the eye. Novak has *already had* COVID-19, being a huge one.]

[Nikolaus Fink @NikolausFink]

It will be *VERY* interesting to see how people in Melbourne, the city with the world's longest COVID-19 lockdown, will react to Novak Djokovic playing at the Australian Open.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@NikolausFink I don't know why I replied, it just occurred to me that your job requires you to write clickbait. But I stand by what I initially said.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@NikolausFink You do realize that he already has *had* COVID-19? Which is generally better than any vaccine, not counting Omicron, but Omicron is gonna get everyone anyway (=>it *is* the start of the endemic phase <yay>).

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@efevelon @ascharfmind @BenRothenberg @WTA It wouldn't be. Her being demonstrably out of country would be the only way to feel like she's even close to safe.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@xTani @ascharfmind @BenRothenberg @WTA Don't back a horse you know is tainted. That's not too hard, is it?

[Serena Williams @serenawilliams]

I am devastated and shocked to hear about the news of my peer, Peng Shuai. I hope she is safe and found as soon as possible. This must be investigated and we must not stay silent. Sending love to her and her family during this incredibly difficult time. #whereispengshuai

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@stringersworld Your password management business logic is totally wrecked. You need some professional advice.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@TennisChannelPR Why can't y'all keep the recent tournament matches online longer?—I haven't finished watching Miami WTA, and now I can't find the rest since the site no longer has a Miami entry in the "On Demand" list on the landing page. Grrrrr.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@Andreescu_Fans @Bandreescu_ My two favorite players: what a terrible draw. There should be a honorary seed for HSW so she doesn't face top ten players too early. Her singles ranking shoud be halved for majors—that'd be a start.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@PDRScanner I have a 12G Mossberg pump by the door hinge. C'mon in, bruh, I got just what you need. #2A

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@CristinaNcl @Aaronk28 Not when line judge Karen [not her real name] jumps to the ground like she'd been bit by an alligator. That kind of thing tends to sway the jury, which should be not all that surprising.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@WSJ Selection bias. Look it up @wsj . Also 'silver spoon effects.' You guys have lost the plot.

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@DailyMailUK Please don't use push notifications from your Android app to send match results of Major Championships. Are you guys total arseholes?

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

https://t.co/qlfDOPEJBS

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@SantaMonicaPD Keeping tennis courts closed makes no sense. And the USTA has real guidelines players can follow! #openthecourts https://t.co/lwOgUjTyWK

[The Ump's Ump @505omatic]

@dennisdiclaudio I'm hopeful that our response puts the nail in the coffin for open-plan offices, ending the de facto psychological torture and huge productivity wastes that the C-level biz "leaders" can't wrap their head around. #openofficehell