Handsome Barbarian

[Laura W. @BumpstockBarbie]

How can you NOT believe in God when octopuses dream and otters have a favorite rock they carry around in a little skin pocket and cows have best friends and bees are out there communicating the coordinates of flowers through dancing and they have regional dialects?

Cats are purring at frequencies associated with bone healing? Forests get absolutely incinerated and respond by growing flowers? Dolphins literally invent names for themselves and yell them across the ocean? Penguins are waddling around Antarctica looking for the perfect rock to give their partner?

CROWS REMEMBER YOUR FACE. THEY TELL OTHER CROWS ABOUT YOU. THEY TELL THEIR CHILDREN ABOUT YOU. YOU CAN HAVE GENERATIONAL BEEF WITH A BIRD. I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS.

Goats have accents. Rats laugh when you tickle them. Elephants mourn their dead. Whales make songs and then OTHER WHALES LEARN THE SONG and suddenly everybody across the ocean is singing the new song.

Monarch butterflies are born knowing how to fly thousands of miles to a place they have never been.

Sea turtles hatch out of an egg, immediately sprint toward an ocean that they have never seen, disappear into it for like 3 decades and then somehow come back to the same beach they hatched on.

Birds can see colors that we humans can’t see. There are colors out there right now that we don’t even get to know about.

There are sea slugs that eat algae and use the chloroplast/chlorophyll and then are just like…photosynthesizing. And they’re super adorable.

There are mushrooms communicating underground. There are seeds sitting in the dirt for decades like “no actually I will wait. It’s fine.”

Squirrels plant trees because they forget where they put their snacks. Relatable.

A CATERPILLAR GOES INTO A LITTLE BAG THAT IT CREATES ITSELF AND DISSOLVES MOST OF ITS BODY INTO ORGANIC GOO AND REARRANGES ITSELF, GROWS WINGS AND THEN LEAVES. WHY IS THIS NOT MORE BEAUTIFULLY TERRIFYING TO PEOPLE??

And you’re telling me a tiny acorn knows how to become a huge tree? It just has a blueprint inside itself?

Your body started as ONE CELL.

ONE.

And that cell divided itself into a brain that can think about its own existence and eyes that can look at stars and hands that can hold somebody else’s hands and a heart that runs on electricity without you even asking it to?

The iron in our blood was made inside a star??

We are walking around on a wet rock covered in bioluminescent oceans and singing whales and laughing rats and birds holding lifelong grudges and flowers exploding out of fire and somehow we’re supposed to act like this is a normal place to live?

We’re supposed to act like this is all just a random, accidental sequence of events?

[HotNewHipHop @HotNewHipHop]

KODAK BLACK

LIL BIRDIE
(REMIX)

OUT NOW 🚨

[NewestMag @NewestMagazine]

Kodak Black might be one of the most underrated rappers of his generation.

This freestyle is ridiculous 🔥

[Sniperrr @btcsniperrr]

“im gonna block you” do it, i lost the love of my life 12 bitches ago

[The Crusader @LLThecrusader]

Stay at home mom wants help from husband who works 70 hours a week

[Harley @Harl3y5150]

🔷️♦️🎭♦️🔷️

[DRUSKI @druski]

FRONT COVER OF @TIME MAGAZINE👑

[Handsome Barbarian @531Maine]

@DougWahl1 Rick Ross do that sht

[gum @vibetogum]

7 year old me had no business being emotionally attached to this song

[Carson Krow @carsonkrow]

Remember when Florida allowed Bill Gates to release millions of mosquitoes from his biolabs there?

[Pete Santilli 🇺🇸 🇮🇹 🎙️ @petersantilli]

Comedy is all about timing.

This guy Ryan proves it with a 60-second bit that shouldn’t work — until it does.

He grabs a dude in a Nike hoodie in the front row. Count backward from 60 in your head. When I point at you, yell whatever number you’re on. Then he starts a story about his dad. Born in like nineteen… “Fifty-six.” Older than… “Forty-eight.” How many women in college? Probably like… “Forty.” All of it landing like the universe wrote the script.

Then he sets up the kill shot. If I’m being honest, the real number for my whole life is closer to…

The guy jumps early. “Twenty-si—” Ryan freezes. Finger in the air. “I did not point yet.”

And then he just… waits. Twenty-plus seconds of dead silence with that finger up, burning the countdown on purpose while the room loses it.

Finally he points. The guy says: “Two.”

Ryan fist-pumps. Right on the button.

That’s not a joke. That’s a heist.

Watch:

[bum @BattleRapBum]

we usin #zelle this fall

[The Ticket 🎟️ @rnojaay]

I done kept this shit afloat under some heavy conditions

[kara @petite__kara]

Don't come to me for weak advice i support abortion, divorce, cutting family off, quit a job, taking risks and burning bridges

[CooperBaggs 💰🍞 @edgaralandough]

It’s crazy how some people work from a laptop and make $1,000+ a day, while others break their bodies for $25 an hour.

[Callum Lyon @CallumLyon]

Just cancelled my Netflix subscription. So if the boomers are right I should be able to buy a house by next week.

[Arterius the Cynic @aclassicalCynic]

I miss old Xbox chats

[juannick @guytellsjokes]

Ngl if I walk into an establishment and they dont greet or acknowledge me right when they see me I’m already pissed off