5ive

I’m only here until my band gets a record deal...

[5ive @5ive308]

Hey check out our punk rock cover of “All I Know” by #machinegunkelly. It’s hard. 🤘🖤

[5ive @5ive308]

got one compliment wearing axe chocolate so I wore it for 14 years.

[5ive @5ive308]

@whoke_ I’ll play

[5ive @5ive308]

@KamalaHarris would get more votes if she would quit blowing up my phone. Girl, I’m working. #chill

[5ive @5ive308]

@FrontierCare I never received a confirmation email, and my bank was charged the full amount of the flight. I have no way of accessing my ticket or anything. Please respond to my DM

[Briccs @briccs502]

just settled all my lawsuits (Fuck You, Gerbies!)

[5ive @5ive308]

@BarackObama was the man! Don’t @ me.

[Matt McCusker @mattwritesbooks]

If I was on Meek Mills team I would push for a full Lil Nas X pivot and get the mega 💼💰 💴 💵

[mark normand @marknorm]

An hour?

[rone’s gamblin corner @rone]

Making buffalo chicken dip for SNL tonight like it’s the Super Bowl

[McKeever @JohnnyMcKeever]

Before you give me credit for any of the great sketches on tonight’s show please know I didn’t write a single word. All bangers. The work that goes into this thing is wild. I did say “ohhhh that’s good” a bunch so that counts.

[5ive @5ive308]

38 minutes until the DAWGZ take over cable tv! #stoked #snl #MSSP

[5ive @5ive308]

You ever wonder if the #HarryPotter world totally exists but some Witch or Wizard has “Obliviated” you numerous times?

I do.

[5ive @5ive308]

I hope @SouthPark makes an episode where Cartmen goes viral on #TikTok for his singing.

[5ive @5ive308]

Brad Pitt telling @lildickytweets to “Roll this bitch” has me howling. #DaveFXX

[5ive @5ive308]

@CheetoSantino @bobbyleelive either gave or received HPV during the filming of this advertisement…. and I’m here for it.

[5ive @5ive308]

@KennyHoopla Me, but I only open with a dad joke and close the show with me and @dantebasco fire-bending.

[5ive @5ive308]

I gotta say… #FlorencePugh is absolutely CUHHHRUSHING’ it in the industry right now! That gals got the ol’ actin’ chops and I’m here for it. She’s great!

[5ive @5ive308]

I gotta give another nod to Zach Braff. That AA scene is so real it fucked me up.

Anyone struggling with addiction “ A Good person” is a great place to start…. Next to the program.

[5ive @5ive308]

Dolores Umbridge is the only woman I’d ever describe as a #Cunt. Yes or yes?

[5ive @5ive308]

2nd time this month rewatching the Harry Potter series and idc who knows. I might make it a 3peat.