Fifth Grade Quotes

Real quotes from real 5th graders. From their mouths to the teacher's ears. A collection eleven years and counting.

Personal Account: @erinflu

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"I Love Lucy! She was a genie!"

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(Sticking a Post-It Note under their nose) "I'm giving myself a mustache wax."

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"I never knew cheerleaders worked out. I just thought they showed off the boys. I mean, I know they have to be tight for the boys."

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"How would monkeys even have read Shakespeare?"

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"Identity makes you special unless someone gets your identity password."

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"This music sounds strangely Italian."

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"Can you drive us to the store so we can buy light sabers? I'm not kidding."

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"Some drugs are good. You can buy all the drugs you want at the pharmacy, just don't go to the gray van behind it."

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Student: "My girlfriend's gonna be mad that I'm eating chocolate."
Me:"Why?"
Student: "B/C she has the full thing of braces and she can't."

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"I love gender bread mans."

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Student 1: "Why does it smell like sawdust in here?"
Student 2: "I poured a bucket of it on myself this morning."

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"It kind of looks like, at the end of the year, he's going to be crying and bloody."

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"My brother lived with us until a couple months ago, when he got married. Yeah, he's one of THOSE kids."

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"I hate pickles. They're too sour and they don't taste good and it looks like a hot dog."

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"I was just standing here and was like, 'Whoa!' because of the sudden fluffiness."

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"My mom gave me dry noodles for lunch...because I'm part Asian."

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"I was skinny for a little while until I ate big cakes for my birthday, and I licked the icing."

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"Next time you're shopping, be considerate and buy me a crop duster."

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"Did you know that you can have a drive thru wedding in Las Vegas? Yeah, that way you don't even have to get out of your car."

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"My family is a ninja except my mom."