I don't want to die, I don't want to end things, I really want to live out the rest of my life for what it is and get all my experiences in, so it's not that I want to not be awake anymore, it's that I need a break from being awake and sleep isn't doing it for me.
to understand what's going on or you'll lose your way (imo at least) and I understood it without having to go back again and again, while reading I would BLAST music to drown out the noise of people and the bus itself and I would be able to get into a zone.