Failing Upward

living the absurdists’ dream, hyperphonetically

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I am no longer a parody account. The situation is too serious for that.

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@dieworkwear And I, big and burly, said it with tears in my eyes.

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@covie_93 Not when we live under a bumblocracy.

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@evan7257 100% chance that Sid Miller is one of those MAGAs who want to shrink government until it’s so small it can be drowned in a bathtub, except when stuff happens to him. Then it’s, “Oh why didn’t government help me?”😭😭😭

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@BobbyBr03898339 You are why Trump loves the uneducated.

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@covie_93 April is the cruelest month,
But June is real mean too.

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@sbzomer All offers will be entertained. DM me.

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@Wyd_eshuu I’d take that deal even without the million.

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@mariana057 Not helpful. “Where did you leave it?” is always the right approach.

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@hemantmehta He needs that hard hat. The sun might shine on him and melt his snowflake ass.

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@cowincrisis You shoulda stuck with making fun of Devin Nunes. The new schtick isn’t working.

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@ImBreckWorsham .05% are grifting multimillionaires. The other 28.95% believe any lie you tell them.

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@Acyn A reminder that we live in a mythomaniocracy.

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@MollyJongFast Probably to make it harder to track Russian submarines.

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@StuffForSisters No! Wanna make something of it?!?!

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@izamamaa @MalcolmNance Yes, and we’re safer for it. She says. I guess.

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@PastorAlexLove I’d like to see the look on that moose’s face. Is it on the back of the t-shirt?

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@theliamnissan @patsdunc Nothing screams “I’m a devout Christian” like screaming out fk you at people on TV who aren’t even the people you think they are. Right on Kimmie!

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@Acyn Yes. I can believe it.

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@RepJackKimble Hard to kill, so bring a harpoon.

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@RepJackKimble Dear Rep. Jack, I was about to write your name in for Governor, but I realized that the last thing you need is that kind of close scrutiny.