Eva Broady

It's sad when people you know, become people you knew.

[Manda Foster @kriventsovaa]

"There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics." - Benjamin Disraeli

[Margret Allison @5Mashgudar]

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

[Janet Irvin @1994_sarat]

never mistake my silence for weakness. no one plans a murder out loud

[Angie Johnston @88Nelliya]

*During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move* Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Hush bitch, I seen this on Pornhub, its called Buffering.

[Melody Lynch @rimkhanitskiy]

My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.

[Linda Woolf @HGurtyakina94]

Ignorance is bliss... unless you have a wife who keeps making you aware of it.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

No matter how bad you think your day is going remember that there are people out there with face tattoos.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

When they really miss u, they'll do something about it... If not, u'll know where u stand.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

When you're tired, draw strength from God. When you're speechless, talk to God. When you feel alone, look around, there is God.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

"I love you." *erases* "I miss you." *erases* "Can we talk?" *erases* "Hi." *sends*..

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

I hate when people say while watching a movie "did you see that?" . No, i paid 12$ to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

Did you hear about the cemetery that raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

Usually I'm remarkably good natured. Try me on a day that doesn't end in y.

[Della Irvin @MissPodkopay]

Everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and I'm just over here like "I love food".

[Lindsey Hong @ishalimenkova]

It's been 15 years already, and im still pissed off that i don't know what animal Arthur is.. Fuck is he a Bear!?!

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

"Never Mind." Definition: You should've listened the first 3 times b*tch.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

I'm here on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

[Stacy Sawyer @85Vopilina]

I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.

[Bonnie Cantrell @mchemerkin]

We feed our baby onions so we can find him in the dark at night.

[Eva Broady @90Martyan]

My cell phone is my watch, camera, iPod, flashlight, calculator, mailbox, and so much more.