AFKilla

AFKilla 🔪 27 🔪

[Christopher R. Weingarten @1000TimesYes]

How will Spotify pay musicians now?

[Sous Chef Barbie 🏷️ Helga Huffleslut ✨ @AntillesPearl]

This is the culinary equivalent of holding a pure brick of ❄️

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

holding back so many complicated emotions lately that I coughed a little too hard and almost started weeping

[blue @bluewmist]

to avoid burnout at work use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

the secret to a successful threesome is to always be the free agent and never be one of the dating couple

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

Really feeling the Aries part of my Saturn return so hard. How do you avoid crashing out every time someone looks at you funny?

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

“I forgor” is my favorite thing we’ve done with the English language. it makes it so much easier to take accountability knowing that you might also be able to make your friend chuckle at your mistake.

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

the unbridled irony in saying you want a goth gf but you aren’t willing or excited about getting pegged. that’s literally not your demographic go find a different girlfriend

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

us peons stay winning, just gotta reframe your mindset dawg

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

can’t be devastated by a stock market crash if you were never offered a 401k by your employers to begin with

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

can’t be devastated by a stock market crash if you were never offered a 401k by your employers to begin with

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

also want someone with a 401k to tell me “don’t worry about a thing babe I got you” and mean every word.

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

I want that “fresh out of the shower after a hard day of work and ready to take out my frustration on your pussy” sex

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

tryina get dicked down insane style but my dumbass heart keeps catching feelings. next time no talking no kissing and I’m gonna be blindfolded ‼️‼️

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

seeing a new person IRL who is very open about being interested in you will really turn your brain into mush because like. I’m out here excitedly waiting for their attention again like I’m a golden retriever

[AFKilla @AFKillaz]

being down bad for someone after having been in a committed relationship for many years is so EMBARRASSING. what do you MEAN I’m waiting on the edge of my seat for a text back. IT’S JUST A TEXT