Agile Fictionary

The dark (humor) side of agile development. Just a bit of fun. None of this could POSSIBLY be based on real life. Could it?

[Ivar Jacobson @ivarjacobson]

Though I am happy to get the book out, I am saddened by the tragedy that my friend and co-author Harold “Bud” Lawson passed away just a few weeks ago after almost a year fighting against his cancer. I and my colleagues hope we can honor his memory by making this book a good one.

[Nicola Sedgwick @nicolasedgwick]

Could someone hire me please?
Stuck in a loop of too strong/experienced for non-management roles, but not enough line management experience for management jobs.

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

@ProjectDavis Abso-flippin-lutely

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Big
Requirements
Enforced
Xenophobically
Inevitably
Tank

#brexit #waterfall #agile #projectmanager #chaos #fail #epicfail

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

@NativeWired Have you got a book to promote?

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

@mikewcohn @RonJeffries @nigelebaker @michelesliger @karen_greaves @samlaing @NativeWired who wants to be in the first cohort?

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Ever get turned down to speak at a conference when you know you shouldn't? Get the Certified Agile Speaker badge and you will never have to worry about that again! #agile2019 #agile #scrumalliance #conferencecockstar #AprilFools

[Internet of Shit @internetofshit]

humanity is doomed

[RichNeville @RichNeville]

Found something new to say when I leave a room.

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Scrum Master Bater:
Someone who gets off on the (misunderstood) view of the ScrumMaster to micro manage the team.
An agile project manager
#agile #projectmanager #scrum #scrummaster #micromanagement #management

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Retro-retrospective
An 80s-themed retrospective in homage to a TV show that seemed good at the time but in the cold light of day was actually shit.
Just like this #retrospective

#cragile #scrumbut #fragile #fail #agile #scrum #kanban #kantban #developerjokes

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

One in the sprint is worth two in the backlog.

An expression referencing how it is usually much more valuable for a product owner to have one user story done compared to two user stories “ready for testing”.
#agile #scrum

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

INVEST:
I’m
Not
aVailable
Ever
To
Stop &
Talk

What "Poxy Product Owners" are often heard to say when explaining why each of their #userstories are ten pages long and take months to write
#agile #scrum #productowner

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Resource: term used to refer to a human being involved in a project who we hope to inspire, motivate and engage
#facepalm #epicfail #developerjokes #agile #scrum #teamwork #motivation #inspiration

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Whoever said “you can’t polish a turd” obviously hasn’t seen a #scrum team frantically getting ready for the #SprintReview

#agile #cragile #fragile #showandtell #smokeandmirrors #worksonmymachine #developer #developerjokes #done #donedone

[cgosimon @cgosimon]

Apparently “The Product Owner priotritises the Product Backlog” means they do it exactly once, and then go away never to be seen or heard from ever again. Except maybe to complain. Or to punish or something. Whatever, it’s bad.

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Godwin’s Law: The propensity for online arguments to escalate to the point where #certification is to blame for any problem or issue which ever existed. #agile #scrum #kanban #CSM #CSPO #psm #pspo

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

@jurgenappelo I think it’s SAFe to say no chance

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

“Ready for Testing”

#yeahright #worksonmymachine #done #donedone #agile #fragile #developers

[Agile Fictionary @AFictionary]

Prioritise (v)
To decide which of the following categories of importance each requirement falls into: mandatory, critical or urgent

#agile #scrum #prioritization #management #productowner #requirements #fail #fictionary