Big Juicer

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[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

When becoming skeptical in regards to the validity and credibility of these exclusive news stories; take a moment to ask yourself, "Why would he lie about that." This should clear up any doubts you may be having. #TruNews

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Please, just behave. Thank you #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Be. #ThoughtProvokingTweet #PossiblePatronization #SorryNotSorry #ReadABook #BadPublicity #Bombshell #Apology #SomethingMaybeAmbiguouslyInspirational #AllisGood #BeAgain #CondescendingAsAWhole #ItMakesSense #Be? #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Durden went on to say, "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!" He passed away shortly after. #RIP #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Recent research done by our team over at #RTN has indicated that movie characters such as, Tyler Durden, Danny Zuko, and many others are dying at incredible rates due to cancer from their ravenous cigarette intake. Durden claims, "I don't want to die without any scars"

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Over at #RTN we were recently lucky enough to get an interview with Presbyterian and author of NYT best seller, "Live and Let Live," Arthur Truffleson. When asked what he thought of negative critiques he replied, "I hope they all die slow and painful deaths." #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Opinionated scientist, JaRule Goggler, recently stated that the science of Astrology is not a science at all. Instead Mr. Goggler stated it was, "Complete and utter nonsense." Quickly adding, "I'm actually an Aquarius though, not many people know that about me."

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Workaholic and self proclaimed "Doink," Thad ChappedAss, has been called into work on his day off. Mr. ChappedAss had this to say, "I love this so much. Being a "doink" means you have nothing better to do anyways so bring it on." #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Recently, our team over at #RealTruNews was able to pin down a story for the one and only, Blanket "Chef" Boyardee. The real story came when our reporter remarked, "You really like pizza." Mr. Boyardee quickly retorted, "I don't like pizza, I love it." #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Y2K survivor, Anne Smart, had this to say to all her critics who did not heed her warnings and labeled her an outcast, "Eat it. You see me? Yeah, that's right I am still alive. You diabolical crustaceans are going to have to try a little harder to kill me." #RTN

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

@whitlipps @Darealpaulblart @TheTaylorFlavor @Lake_Jipka @jordanredd7 @tpyszk11 @DJFreddyB2000

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Morbidly obese scientist, Yuge Glubber, recently made a discovery that rocked the scientific community stating that, "Twinkies last fucking forever!"

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

We over at #RealTruNews will be periodically following a select few lucky twitter enthusiast in attempts to allow for more people to know about the breaking news stories they never knew they were missing. If anybody following is upset by the short term following please @ us. TY.

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Over at #RealTruNews, we consider every new follower to be equal to a level up. The bar here is difficult to determine, but our analyst have recently discovered that Mr. Lama and @tomhanks are level 99's. #HELP us achieve our dream with a RT to help in our pursuit for perfect. TY

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Also, keep in mind all other animals are extreme burdens to care for, besides the domesticated cat, who only puts you through a minor inconvenience in comparison to the amount of work that involves the other animals.

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

Keep in mind that the jaguar is the coolest jungle cat alive by far #RealTruNews

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

#RealTruNews cannot fail. Tell your mother. Thank you.

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

@whitlipps @GamingAreGud @AustinJurkas @JMcTee28 @tomhanks @jordanredd7 @DJFreddyB2000 @jsiembab1010 @HannahUranich @Joejoz1224 @tpyszk11 @Lake_Jipka @jktonelli54 Wonderful! Not only I, #TheEnforcer, appreciate your vote, but also all of my fellow employees over here at #RealTruNews. Thank you.

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

@GamingAreGud @AustinJurkas @JMcTee28 @tomhanks @jordanredd7 @DJFreddyB2000 @whitlipps @jsiembab1010 @HannahUranich @Joejoz1224 @tpyszk11 @Lake_Jipka @jktonelli54

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

ATTENTION - *Late Night News Poll*

For this poll in particular we over at #RealTruNews would like to delve deep into your medulla oblongata, some would say even "Balls deep." We like to be provocative and ask the real questions here. Would you rather live your life with...

[Big Juicer @AKAEnforcer]

BREAKING - Local hot dog eating enthusiast, Brau Keppleton, wins the World Wide Hot Dog Eating Contest of Bale County. The win came off a technicality as the self proclaimed, "Hammer," Doug Jangleson was disqualified for using vegetable oil instead of water to eat his hot dogs.