Amanda Vallejera

dear men, stop taking my rights away. love, women she/her

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

Sometimes I’m the guy, sometimes I’m the juicer, sometimes I’m the window.

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

Me- there’s barely any Alfredo sauce on my pasta
@SophiaVallejera - we have the noodles. Where’s the company?

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“I can’t tell what it smelled like but it doesn’t smell like plain air anymore.” @rv3cubs describing a candle

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

@rv3cubs - you add butter to that? How are you alive?
Dad - we were very active
@rv3cubs - let me explain how oil in the blood works

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

My mom is ready to beat someone up and I’m honestly here for it

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

I hate Donald trump

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

Classic comedy

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“If snow is rice then this stuff is quinoa” ~ @rv3cubs

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

If u still text and drive then I’m gonna make u watched black mirror s5 e2 so you learn that not only what can happen but that when it happens, it still makes a shitty story

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“So is my ear a birthmark?” ~out of context quote from @Lizzie_volante

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“You know the best thing about having a dog. You always... have a towel around” @rv3cubs

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

"I'm artistic when it comes to math" ~ @rv3cubs

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

So we were driving to church

Me *wears sandals*
@rv3cubs “your feet are exposed!”
Me “Jesus wore sandals”

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“I wanna be a rain cloud”
@Lizzie_volante “you dumb bitch you’re gonna be a princess”

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

If I see one more person complaining about lookin like a tomato while I’m stuck in pale fucking Midwest I’m gonna set you on fire.

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

I hope they name the coronavirus era American Girl doll after me

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“They should’ve called it Clam. Missed opportunity” @rv3cubs @5SOS

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“What are those three frat houses from Harry Potter?” @VallejeraRico

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

Can someone Venmo me $200 so I can get a lego set?? Thanks! @amannamedda

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

“Quoting John Mulaney isn’t a personality”
Me “but isn’t it tho?”

[Amanda Vallejera @AMANnamedDA]

my family is yelling about politics and my dad goes "OH MY GOSH! The last time there was an election the @Cubs won the world series! WOOOHOOO!! Now this is something to rally around!!!" @VallejeraRico