I leave all my worldly goods to Mrs H to do with as she sees fit and to Mr H my share of apples at apple time, but not the lion's share. To them and everyone else I leave my best wishes for a long and happy life full of your favourite treats.
If you are reading this then there is bad news and good news. The bad news is that I've left this tweet with Mr H to be posted in the event of my death. The good news is that Mr H has cranked up his single neurone and actually posted it.
I'd like to leave you with some words of wisdom: take plenty or walks or better yet runs, eat as many treats as possible, jump in a muddy bog or horse trough when you can. Grab the opportunity for two suppers when you can. Take time to sniff the flowers and then pee on them.
How lovely. Mr H has given me a certificate. It says "You are now in compliance with the Clean Air Act of 1968". And I've got a notice to put on the wall that says "Days since last eruption: 2". I'm looking forward to changing that to a 3 tomorrow. I hope I don't blow it.
Thinking back on what I've eaten today I was rather pleased with an unusual tin of salmon. Now that I think about it some more I'm a bit concerned that Mrs H cut it with wormer. I think more retraining is the ticket for tomorrow.
I didn't enjoy the wormer at all yesterday so obviously some human retraining was required. Looks like I was successful as I've not seen any wormer today.
Mr H is easy to train as he is a little hard of thinking. But I'm concerned that Mrs H has pulled a fast one and smuggled the wormer in under the radar.
Well that was a bit of a polava. But I think I've come out on top.
Mrs H had strict instructions from the Vee Eee Tee that my wormer medication was to be administered by syringe in my mouth.
Mrs H is Germanic in her adherence to the rules.
Eventually Mrs H gave in and I chowed down on some lunch. I stopped half way through for a laugh - caused considerable panic for Mr H when it looked like he'd be wrong about me eating it. I'm a Lab of course I ate it.
Tesco delivery man declined to bring food into the house and seemed to be holding his breath and wrinkling his nose.
I'm not afraid to say it, I think there's a bit of a stink in this house.