Andrew Roffe

Openly Jewish Comedian.
Standup dates ⬇️

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Get your tickets https://t.co/gg7aCenCPR

[The Wieners Circle @TheWienerCircle]

Come out tomorrow night motherfuckers, support Poochie and up and coming local comedians

[Kosher @koshercockney]

Brilliant 🤣

By @ASAP_ROFFE

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

@koshercockney Thanks for sharing!

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

This is your yearly reminder that if you get rid of all the Jews, who will do your taxes?

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Passover falls on April Fools Day this year, so I’m even less convinced Elijah will show up.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

First Time at @TheWienerCircle

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

When Your Therapist Works at @TheWienerCircle

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

The Jewish version of confessional is talking to your lawyer.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Do me a favor and check on your dad. He hasn’t been this confused since the new iOS update. #BadBunny

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

I’d love to see a bowl game featuring the two worst college football teams called the @DUDEwipes Toilet Bowl.

[Charlie Berens @CharlieBerens]

Who's gonna win? 🧀 feat. @ASAP_ROFFE

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

I would get so much satisfaction in knowing that a Jewish doctor diagnosed Hitler with a micropenis.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

@JesseRogersESPN @bleacher_bros @Cubs Jesse, I think you’re a really good reporter but you are dead wrong. They absolutely could lose the top spot. It’s only four games. Guardians were down 15 games in the division and could be in first place after today.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

My level of Jewishness is I got so sick from overeating this weekend I thought I gave myself Crohn’s disease.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

How is it that people who aren’t Jewish and don’t know any Jews somehow became experts in antisemitism?

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

I’ll tell you what would’ve been really shocking… If the Pope’s name was Herschel Rosenstein.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Vatican City is about to get a @LouMalnatis

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Passover Glass of Wine Number One:

Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, borei p’ri hagafen.

Passover Glass of Wine Number Four:

Barack attack I dunno. Elaine ew melancholy hell no. Pray for me my coffin.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

I just told my mom that Timothée Chalamet was Jewish. I have not heard her that excited since one of her grandchildren was born.

[Andrew Roffe @ASAP_ROFFE]

Welcome to Jewish Thanksgiving. Where we stuff our turkeys and then tell them to lose weight.