Ashley Schaeffer

I'm a beautiful man with golden locks. I own a premiere B̶M̶W̶ KIA dealership. Dickslappin' is my game!

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

A little commercial "TBT" from my BMW days...

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

2 years in the slammer, coming out with that rock-hard mama jammer. https://t.co/26bBT59mPF

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

This Donald Trump guy doesn’t seem THAT bad.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

This Donald Sterling guy doesn’t seem THAT bad.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

Come down to my plantation and smell my plums, @KennyPowers!

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

I live every day like it's the god damn 4th of July.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

Who's ready to "WOO!" again?
http://t.co/hy3pU4Su

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

I'm at the glorious Kentucky Derby today! Everybody is dressed so fabulous! I'm buying rounds of drinks for all big-titted women over 50!

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

I live for that sweet, sweet nectar that can be harvested off a woman's inner-thigh.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

If you're not watching your Tivo'd "Dancing with the Stars," then tune into HBO at 10pm to see @KFUCKINGP piss away his life on #Eastbound.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

Women are one of few in the animal kingdom that cannot be tamed…And they hate cages, too.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

My son Gabriel could literally beat the shit out of that Kony fellow.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

Curling up with some of Mammy's dumplings in my La-Z-Boy to watch @KFUCKINGP destroy a young boy's life…

#Eastbound, HBO, tonight at 10pm.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

It's only 11am and, by gee, I'm already fulllll of @FantaFun.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

The @Kia automobile is a superior machine.

Can I interest anyone in a 'gently used' Sorento?

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

How does this Twitter work? I was for sure #MammysDumplings would have trendered last night!

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

It's true, plebeians! I've changed my name to @ASKIA69 to reflect my current life status. So be it. Woo.

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

Nothing's more exciting than the thrill of the chase. I'll find you and your little butt boy, Kenny. #Eastbound

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

The glorious return of Ashley Schaeffer and his premiere BMW dealership, tonight on #Eastbound, HBO, 10pm - WOOOO!

[Ashley Schaeffer @ASKIA69]

I just paid 112K for a necklace made of human teeth! WOO!