Andrew Bayliff

I got whiskey in the dozer

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Wasabi tastes like the Chernobyl #4 reactor

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Bidet? You mean device that coats the back of your balls with gas station sandwich shit

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

My heart (balls) is so full of love (cum)

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

It starts with sucking meth for cock and it ends with sucking cock for meth

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Bro you’re 25 just eat the foreskin

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

I’m not addicted to anything I just like doing it

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

A good attitude is the best weapon in this terrible life we’re forced to live

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Bro I’m not peer pressuring you, you’re just being a pussy

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Am I poetic? Yes of course, I just smoked a joint

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Just saw a guy vaccinate himself downtown by the bridge

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice I think I actually have hpv this time

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

I had high hopes for this situation until it anally prolapsed

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Death is like herpes, it’s with you for life

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease”
-dad

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Sometimes I wonder how there’s enough pussy left for the rest of us with those magicians out there taking a large portion of it

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Doctor: I’m sorry Spencer from iCarly but you have tested positive for HIV aids and you are going t-
Studio soundtrack: R A N D O M D A N C I N G

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

I bet someone showed up late to the titanic setting sail and was super pissed they missed an opportunity of a lifetime then a few days later heard the news and were like “gang weed”

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

@nick_colletti Yeah baby clear the road

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

Cbd? Isn’t that like decaf kush

[Andrew Bayliff @A_BAYLIFF]

The best way to get to a girls heart is to feed her consistent amounts of sodium over a long period of time eventually causing her to go into cardiac arrest