Alfredo Mendiola

Xbox gamer: PsudoSurgeon • Applied Microeconomics and Computational Analytics PhD student • 🇺🇸🇲🇽🇨🇦🇸🇪🇯🇲🇰🇾 • ⚾️🏈 • CA, NY, AZ, FL, CO

[SPANE 🇪🇸 @SperrysandNikes]

Always say yes to a quick 30 minute beer with your friends because that hour and a half could be the best 6 hours of your life

[Sick @sickdotdev]

“Let me talk to my team”

The team:
- Me
- Claude code
- 4 coffees
- Macbook Pro

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

THE CHARGERS TAKE DOWN THE CHIEFS IN BRAZIL ⚡️

[BaseballHistoryNut @nut_history]

My side table finally came in.

[Padres Nation @NationPadres]

It’s a good day to be a Friars fan

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

you want me to attend a work meeting? the thing that killed Julius Caesar?

[Dr Pepper @drpepper]

only thing I am cuffing this season is an ice-cold Dr Pepper

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@deee_m__ @_MLFootball

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@HisandHersLive Pinto 😲

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@Nokokopuffs I know I've been on Twitter for too long when I'm just waiting for the 1 weirdo that figures out EXACTLY where this photo was taken 😅 looks amazing though, congrats Noko, hard work paying off

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@HisandHersLive @PlayApex Ngl, that team is probably having the most fun out of everyone in the entire lobby

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@Cau7ioN @QueenReafer Truly a waste of a "Welcome to TikTok" 😔

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@HisandHersLive @PlayApex @reneehopeblasy 👀

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@SwiftieC_ Did you tell them the car behind you was paying? Lol

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

@scarlitaTTV @deee_m__ ooooo, now it makes so much sense lmao

[Baseball Quotes @BaseballQuotes1]

Might be the worst strikeout ever lmao

[Alfredo Mendiola @A_L_Mendiola]

A wild thread but absolute content

[AT @BaseballWRLD_]

The agony that is Angel Hernandez’s umpiring has finally come to a close, so what better time to remember his legacy than right now

Some of Angel Hernandez’s worst calls and most iconic moments, a thread🧵