GOD

[GOD @AbigailBudden]

you don't get offered drugs as much as your elementary school teachers said you would and I think that's sad

[222 @fairyIuvv]

“im too pretty for this” is a very vaIid excuse actuaIIy

[hellhimbo @lindseylouwho]

“i can fix him.” that’s cute. i can break him. i can leave him a shell of a man.

[de’aaron whitefox @aaronsquealer]

750 to tell a cop im going to their moms house is worth it in my book

[LIA☆ @only1talia]

My nose ring is apart of my face. It’s never coming out lmao

[sauce @jimbobrays_]

the only way to get the vaccine in canada is with canadian tire money

[Dirty Dan @daniellemaria99]

Doug Ford why don’t you go sit in the pond if you wanna be a silly little goose

[kayb @kayyykb]

since you passed away I’ve been mad at the world

[kelbin @pissboymcgee]

almost nothing in the world feels as good as chucking a rock as far as u can

[Frank Jordon 🍷 @Frankiexii]

Idgaf how hard life is imma crack me a jokey joke 😂😂🥴

[KIKI @leanwdafanta]

the shit I be saying when i’m in love is so detrimental to the brand

[Drew Gooden @drewisgooden]

Birth certificates have gotta be the most pointless documents. Why do I have to prove that I was born? I’m literally right here.

[ehime ora @ehimeora]

Having self-compassion is learning to not feel guilty when you’re exhausted. It’s okay to rest.

[Ꭺ @acuribess]

S/o to everyone who got up this morning despite having zero energy to start your day. Be proud of yourself for handling your responsibilities and doing the damn thing.

[bela @sweeterbela]

I guess I gotta go back to being a bitch.

[GOD @AbigailBudden]

The only time I miss a man is when I swing and he ducks 🖕🏼

[invader zim @f8the]

U can’t gaslight me bc im okay wit being the villain